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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

The baby is due pretty soon, and all of a sudden DH and I are starting to feel totally unprepared to be parents. How can I reassure myself?

Re: The baby is due pretty soon, and all of a sudden DH and I are starting to feel totally unprepared to be parents. How can I reassure myself?

The Bump Expert

So you're getting a little nervous about becoming a parent... no surprise there. After all, you're embarking on basically the biggest adventure known to man. Not to add to the pressure or anything. But seriously -- ignoring the fear isn't the way to deal with it. In face, that will only make it worse. A better idea is to talk about it with your mate.

Start by figuring out what your concerns really are. Are you worried about losing your freedom... or your sex life? Scared you won't be a good parent? Dreading going back to work or leaving the job? Whatever it is that you're feeling, try to communicate it to your partner. Then, ask him about his own anxieties. Once you've both gotten the fears out of your heads and into words, chances are, things will seem a lot less scary. And, you might be surprised to find that the two of you actually (probably) share some concerns.

By sharing your deepest feelings rather than erecting a wall, you'll strengthen your emotional intimacy and find yourselves better prepared to handle your soon-to-arrive new addition -- as a couple.

Paula Kashtan

re: Q: Panicking About Parenthood?

I don't think this site sometimes realizes that some women are doing this on their own. By choice or not by choice. Though there are always people who surround us and love us, we don't always have a partner to share those emotions with.

Megatron |

re: Q: Panicking About Parenthood?

I agree with Megatron. My first child which is now 11 I raised with my parents. The support you get from you loved ones is wonderful, but if you have your partner there it is a feeling you can't explain.Single soon to be mothers hang in there. My mother always says to me,"God never gives you more than you can handle."

honeyandI |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm glad I stumbled on to this question and read the comments. Ithought I was the only single one on this site...

ccw479 |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I totally agree with the other ladies! I, too, will be a single mom. All too often it is "DH" this and "DH" that. What about those of us without an "H"

MarchGal |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I am so glad I'm not the only single parent by choice. My daughter's father lives across county & we have agreed to co-parent. Which means I am on my own majority of the time. I have an 11 yr old who's been amazing, but handling a teen, homework, a baby is freaking me out. They say you're suppose to be older & wiser, well I'm older & more scared than ever.

arasassy |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I really thought i was the only single mother to be on this site also!thanks magatron fa even sayin something because alot of us would have think we were the only ones!!!1

faypez242 |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm not single. But push come to shove...DH is not going to do any of the hard work because he's freaked out and probably going to be afraid to touch her. So I have a panick that I feel like I will be alone in this.

Woohoneychild |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

Woohoneychild, I can relate to that one!! I love my husband dearly, but he is still very immature and rather on the selfish side (thanks be, partly, to his mother!) I panic in knowing that I will be doing a great deal of this on my own but with the added frustration of him being present physically but not 'there'. Has anyone else dealt with this siutation and survived? Please pass on the battle stories and any words of wisdom, it's so appreciated!! :)

ShyCowgirlwy |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

yeah to all the single moms who have spoken up (i'm a single mom too). this site does focus a lot on the happily married couple. single moms (by choice or circumstance) talk through your fears with your support network (friends, family, etc). Don't think you have to be superwoman and ask for help and reassurance (something I'm trying to work on).

arualis |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I´ve just turned 40, knocked up and single. Thank godness to hear more single parents out there. Never imagine I would be doing this at all. And doing it alone to boot. I was raised by a single mother so I do have help and a mentor. I am happy to be starting this new adventure in my life. Just sad that the Father has not made up his mind about being part of the child life. My view right now is...it will be his loss!!! The baby will have a small village (my family and friends) raising he or she and will have lots of love...What more can you ask!!!

vivalife09 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Well, I mean, this site applies to everyone. It's take it or leave it. There are some of us who MIGHT be in this situation. Just because it doesn't apply to everyone, doesn't mean it has to be banned. If it doesn't apply to you, don't take it the wrong way and just disregard. If you want something to apply to you, then take the initiative to pose a question regarding your situation and I'm sure the bump will give you an expert answer. I think its just a ridiculous suggestion to be politically correct about everything now-a-days. I wish people would learn not to take things the wrong way and disregard something that doesn't apply. Its the most practical thing to do.

Ciscoheartsshashy |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I can see why some single mother's were bothered by the expert response. Anxiety about becoming new parent is a universal experience, sharing your feelings with your "partner" is not a universal solution. I don't deny that it's good advice, though, and it could be redirected to whomever the support people are in your life. I probably expressed more fear to my mom than my husband because I didn't want to make him feel worse! Single mothering is a tough job. On the positive side though, you have total control over your parenting decisions. Everything that couples might argue about, from what the child eats to rules and discipline or whether costumes should be worn in public, can be an executive decision for a single parent. If you're single parenting, getting input from others is essentially your choice, whereas the involved father, particularly when you're married, has the same rights and responsibilities toward the child that you do, and his family has an interest roughly equal to your family. That can be good or bad. Essentially what you lose in support you gain in control, and for most of us, a little control goes a long way to relieving anxiety. Just a thought.

titania9 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I have a great deal of respect for women that are going through motherhood and pregnancy on their own. I am very thankful for my husband and our situation. But I'd also like to point out that this site was created by the people who developed "the knot" and "the nest" so it is only natural for their contributors to assume that a good portion of their following is married. I personally used the knot to help plan my wedding and went through the nest once we were married. I was thrilled to find this addition. Again, I know every situation is different and all of us women are strong enough to get through pregnancy and child-rearing. Just don't judge this site because it does not always answer questions tailored to everyone.

kmz0312 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I AM married, and my husband was married before and has 2 teenage daughters. This is my first pregnancy, and at this point CAN'T talk to him about how I am feeling, because he acts like EVERYBODY goes through this, and when his ex-wife was pregnant this is what happened etc...., blah blah blah! He doesn't seem to realize that EVERYBODY is different when it comes to their pregnancies, and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HIS EX-WIFE and what SHE went through!!!! Luckily, I have a mom, sisters and friends that I can talk to about my pregnancy.

Kateary |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I agree with kmz0312. This site is based on the fact that their audience is married. I do understand that a lot of moms may be single whether by choice or not, but please respect the fact that this site is tailored to married people. It respects the sanction of it and I think more people should as well. It is tough raising kids alone and if you need support, please seek it but don't bash the union of marriage because you are single. There are sites that support single moms and I hope no one who is married goes on there to bash the single moms. Please keep an open mind to the useful information and use it for the good of raising your children.

tampadiva |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Any mom, especially a single mom is the biggest hero in my opinion. I was raised from 1yr by a single mom who is now my best friend. I happen to have a husband who is great but know what it is like growing up with one parent. I commend all of you. hugs

AJfit |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I agree that something beyond sharing concerns would be nice as a suggestion. I am happily married but thanks to the army I might as well be single. It's still up in the air whether my husband will be there for the baby to be born, and he won't be around for 15 of the first 18 months of her life, including her first month if she is born on time. My husband was just stationed here so I don't know anyone really and we are 14 hours from any family to speak of. He is sweet and tries to get my stress, but he just doesn't get it. I am sure that there are other married people out there whose spouses aren't "panicked" about it, so they could use other advice at well. Not saying this isn't good advice for some, but more than one suggestion would be appreciated. Does anyone have anything else? In response to another poster, I don't think anyone was saying this kind of response should be "banned" or that this is about being politically correct. I think it's pretty fair to want an expanded answer beyond talk to your spouse who may or may not exist, be present, or have the same concerns.

TheMrsDSW |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

This entire website and the sister websites (The Knot and The Nest) are geared towards married or soon to be married couples. The focus of the advise should not be much of a surprise.

jidrooms |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

i totally feel sorry for those women out there that are single moms or single moms to be.i think its hard going through all this when your on your own.thanks GOD i have the most beautiful husband and supportive one that i can share all my concerns and fears with.And not having that fear of having to be on my own with my pregnancy.I am soon expecting my little baby girl and feel very excited and anxious to meet her.All the support to the single moms to be.

Karlahdez2010 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

OMG! Some people can be SO insensitive! So what if single moms, or women with a spouse who may not be so readily available want a broader answer?! They deserve just as much respect as woman who may have a husband. And as for saying you feel sorry for these women, Karlahdez2010, I seriously doubt they need your pity. There are many awesome women who have chosen (and sometimes not) to be a single parent. I know this because I was raised by one of the MOST awesome single mothers. So just because you're married don't think you have the right to sit on your high horse and judge others. You are certainly NO BETTER. I may be glad to have my husband but I know he, just like any other, is far from perfect. He doesn't always share the same exact concerns or views I do...therefore I am very thankful to the friends and family I can confide in.

OLee29 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

OMG! OLee29 respect other peoples opinion.Your talking about not judging other people and telling me im no better.what makes you better?maybe next time try to be a little more discrete and not so direct to people's opinion here..whos judging here anyways.

Karlahdez2010 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

To all the single mothers out there writing on the wall how this site deals mostly with women with husbands it because of the sequence...the knot, the nest, the bump. I think the people who answer are assuming that most people on this site have used the others. Also, I don't think they meant to make you feel like you have to have one either it's just simpler for them to answer as if everyone is the same. All you have to do is sub in your own support system. When they tell you to talk to your husband if you don't have one simply infer your own choice....boyfriend, partner, mom, best friend etc. With such a large site they can't write all the options

capaterpiller |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm so glad that the single parent thing is addressed. Society tends to make your experience feel a little worse if you chose to do this on your own. My ex was abusive and I am pregnant with a baby girl. So it's terrifying even though you have family support....

nikeasa |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Can we get back to panicking about parenthood? I don't care if your single, married, divorced, or an alien! I am freaking out at having the love of my life, my little angel in my belly, not being in the comfort of my belly anymore! I don't have to worry about her when she's safely in here....how do you all handle not freaking out about everything!

fishbaby |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am a soon to be single mother. While we're all going through tons of emotions right now, it is a very different experience when you know when the sweet bundle of joy is born, the one person who SHOULD be there, WON'T be there. Believe me, most of us who are in the situation of single motherhood would MUCH rather be married and had bought a home with our husbands prior to finding out we were going to be mothers. Unfortunately for some of us, God had a different plan. I think some of these comments are OVERLY sensitive, while OTHERS are CLEARLY judgemental and taking their time to "pour salt on a wound" if you will. I look forward to the birth of my son, but I know there's going to be something missing and that makes me sad for him. I have a wonderful father and wish that was gift I could give my son, but I can't. I am extremely for all of you who have wonderful endearing husbands that are man enough to be fathers, but a little sensitivity to different situations would be appreciated. We don't want your pity, just understanding, and put your selves in our shoes for a day.

tbeane13 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

just a thought... to all of you who think this site is for people who have gone through the knot and the nest first... its possible that someone DID go through the other sites and found themselves divorced or even widowed by the time they got to the bump... u know everyone on this site is pregnant and whether we are going through it alone or simply feel alone and may have people around but NO support we are all feeling ridiculous emotions so how bout no one judging anyone... the original post about single moms was just a comment... it wasn't meant to attack the site yet everyone started going off on single people and how THEY shouldn't be on this site... thats ridiculous...

zajdeld |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I have a unique situation as well where i am left on my own. My own parents have even chosen to abandon me and baby when he arrives because i won't get married to the farther. He and I got carried away and rushed into things and realized we are not comparable. So here i am, 37 years old, pregnant and alone. But as the other ladies mentioned, others rally around and become a fantastic support. A coworker friend of mine will be my labour coach and other wonderful people have donated baby items and have been a great source of encouragement. I try to take one day at a time and remain thankful to God for every blessing that comes along. Babies certainly are that. A blessing. And I am sue my little one will be spoiled and showered with love.

lkrizan |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Yes...I'm way too panick .... everything seems too overwhelming. My husband keeps renovating the house..he's having fun with it since he's an architect. And all I'd asked just to have hot water fixed and a sweet lil nursery. But somehow he got overboard and nuts about getting all parts of the house done instead. I know I should be very thankful about that but it's just too dusty and I'm 33 weeks and my nursery isn't done. He keeps fixing things that's not even broken. We;ve spent so much money already for the house but I'm more worried about what's gonna happen after the baby is born. Coz we may need the money later. I also wish to have my husband to spend more time to understand about pregnancy thing rather than perfecting the house. I sent him articles about it that he won't read. He asked me to tell him right away whatever he needs to know verbally. But emotional roller coaster I'm going through isn't easy for me to tell. What should I do?

indodelaconc |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am going to stay home with the baby while my fiance works... I am freaking out because this is my first child and his 3rd. I have voiced concerns about his being complacent and not needing to go to lamaze classed or prepare the house. His first two with his ex-wife were C-sections and I am hoping to having a natural birth. I don't think he understands how different the two are... and that I need him there to go through the motions with me.

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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I would like to address both conversations going on. At the begining of my pregnancy my DH and I decided to break up (for reasons that made sense at the time). So I had to accept that I was going to be a single parent. After three months we got back together and are stronger than ever. However when I was single and had to start my research I found that a lot of popular websites and books assume that you have a husband. I found this frustrating. I can understand were single moms are coming from. It's not only this website but almost all publications that address pregnancy and baby. In this day and age it's very common for a woman to have a baby with little or no help from the father. Prehaps people need to get with the times and cater to a wider variety of people. When I had these issues I reminded myself that there are no mistakes and millions of single women make great moms. As long as your baby is happy and well cared for it doesn't matter what your marital status is. :) As for worrying about being a good parent. I think it's only natural to have self doubt. It only means that your human and are dealing with a lot of new emotions or experiences. My only advice is... When you feel overwhelmed try to simplify, have faith in yourself and carry on. Talk to anyone that you feel is your main support and if all else fails take a bath and kick your feet up. These feelings will pass.

KileySz |

panicking-about-parenthood

I'm starting to get annoyed that thebump.com is not doing a better job filtering out ads and other garbage people are posting as comments and conversations. I'm on this website for actual information and comments/advice from other women/moms.. Not to waste time trying to find the actual comments in a sea of garbage advertising.

emmagrace24 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Truth to be toldat 32 weeks pregnant, i'm very scared, my childs father lives with me at my parents, and supposedly we are together, sure doesnt seem like itand yes he works, nightshift that is, and he hasnt been well emotional supportive at all, more or less very ungrateful and selfish, and spending all of his time at work or a friends, hasn't even bought our daughter but 2 outfits and a diaper bag. I am also feeling really panicky, afraid i wont be able to do it all day and night by myself. The joys of motherhood i guess. Best of luck to all of you. Feeling alone isn't the greatest. But i hope it'll change when my lil angel gets here

Liltinktink |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Why is this a debate about single moms or not. Lets talk about our fears and support each other in how to deal with them. Every single person on this site has a different situation and can offer insight and advise. Lets quit with the back and forth and start with the helping each other. My biggest fear is that I own two business and work a 55+ hour week. I have a tiny staff and wont be able to take maturity leave. I can work from home most of the time and will have 1 day a week when I will have help so I can meet with clients. I am worried about how I am going to juggle it all without either my daughter or my business suffering. Any advise from overworked moms who had similar situations.

CorinaandCraig |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am 32 weeks along and I don't exactly fit into either situation. My boyfriend and I were living together, but then he lost his job and we hit a financial struggle. We found ourselves both living back with our parents. I'm getting worried about having to do pretty much everything myself since our schedules are so different. He is trying to find another job than the one he currently works, which is a bouncer at a local bar. So he is gone all night starting Wednesday through Saturday. Once our son is born I plan on continuing school, but I lose my job when I take the time to have him. I'll have roughly 2 weeks after having him before next semester starts. I am so scared how we will afford the things that he needs, and how we will work out our schedules for his sake. It does bother me that everything I've ever read about pregnancy assumes you are married. We have decided to wait until we become more financially stable before we even think about the wedding. We might not have done everything by the normal order, but we are still excited to be parents. I don't want to feel judged by some of the other expectant moms. We are all hormonal so I try not to take things so personal when people say things.

SweetPea0902 |