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Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

I am currently 7.5 months pregnant and my husband has told me that he is just not attracted to my belly. It hurts to hear this, but I appreciate his honesty. I still have needs and desires, though, and I feel like this should be compromised and that he should still make an effort. Am I wrong to expect this?

Re: I am currently 7.5 months pregnant and my husband has told me that he is just not attracted to my belly. It hurts to hear this, but I appreciate his honesty. I still have needs and desires, though, and I feel like this should be compromised and that he should still make an effort. Am I wrong to expect this?

The Bump Expert

Let's get this important issue straight. In an ideal world, you're absolutely right, there should be compromise in the bedroom just as there should be a compromise in every other aspect of a relationship. But because we are living in the real world and this is a temporary situation, to force the issue of him not finding your pregnant belly attractive by insisting he meet your needs could be very damaging to your relationship.

No one should be forced into sexual activity that actually turns them off because we all have our own likes and dislikes. By pressuring your partner to compromise on his sexual dislikes, you run the risk of turning him off from sex with you altogether and that is not helpful!

Therefore, my advice is that you shouldn't expect him to make love to you, but rather ask him to fondle you with his hands or use a vibrator to stimulate you to orgasm. You can also masturbate and pleasure yourself -- pregnant or not.

Dr. Pam Spurr | May 13 , 2009 10:36 AM

re: Q: Husband doesn't like belly?

I'm only 6 months pregnant and already dealing with this issue. I'm still very small and hardly showing... I totally understand the hurt it causes to get this from your husband. My issue with 'not expecting him to make love to me' is that if he can spend time with porn he should be able to 'use' some of that 'energy' on me. We're talking about men here... men... the sex that seems to not care what they are 'doing it' with... so why can't they 'do it' with their wives?! I have a huge issue with just being 'ok' with my husband acting totally disconnected... it's not like we as wifes aren't sometimes totally turned off by our husbands. But for some reason when the tables are turned women are expected to just get over it and 'take care of him'. I'm really not into this way of thinking.

cksddamd | August 05 , 2008 2:41 PM

re: Q: Husband doesn't like belly?

In am 7.5 months with twins, which is considered a high risk pregnancy, and my husband has read that sexual activity can cause contractions. Therefor he is worried that it will put me into early labor so he has not been interested in months. Is this true? I already spoke to my doctor and she said it would be fine but I can't get him away from the idea that it will cause problems.

radebczak | December 22 , 2008 8:06 AM

re: Q: Husband doesn't like belly?

I think your husband is crazy for telling you that....is he clueless?I am sure you are beautiful!! That is not a good honesty in my opinion...he should be more sensitive and grow up a little! It's not always about him and if you want to be sexual than he should fulfill your desires.

aandaroth3412 | June 04 , 2009 11:08 AM

Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

Maybe your husband is just too embarassed to say that he is afraid to hurt you or the baby. My first husband was like that when I was pregnant with my first child. He would hold me and then as soon as I wanted to get intimate...he would pull away and said that he just didn't like my pregnancy body. I found out later that he was just afraid of hurting the baby. My current husband, on the other hand, can't keep his hands off me and I am totally irritated by it! I am 36 weeks and just want to punch him in the face every time he tries to grab my chest! lol

mistiliah | August 17 , 2009 5:35 PM

Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

My husband is uncomfortable with it b/c he is worried he will hurt the baby (even though he knows he won't) and he just finds it somewhat of a turn-off... He thinks its more cute than sexy he says. The big thing is to find room for compromises. It really does hurt to hear and sometimes its hard for me to understand but you just have to remember that you can't force him to do it if he's not ok with it, and he can't expect you to just have a switch to turn off your sex drive. You both need to come halfway. You'll make it through.

autumnstar68 | August 20 , 2009 4:10 PM

Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

He has to understand your feelings. It would be like if he had a horrific habit that you adapt to because you love him. This is your unborn child. There's nothing unattractive about it. Its a beautiful thing, and he has to make you feel beautiful. Try talking to him about how it makes you feel when he says that he doesn't like your belly. Its almost like saying he doesn't like the baby! cause thats what it is!

WhitBaby | November 04 , 2009 10:30 AM

Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

My husband just thinks its plain weird.. he describes it as the same thing as having sex with the baby laying in the bed. Which is kind of weird... He also has a hard time because anytime we try to do anything the baby decides to kick and that just reminds him the baby is RIGHT there... for him its just too much.

linziplease | January 15 , 2010 7:16 PM

Q&A: Husband doesn't like pregnancy belly?

My husband doesn't like my belly either. He doesn't like how it bumps him when I give him a hug and he doesn't really like the way it looks. The thing is, I am very cute pregnant. I've eaten healthy and exercised throughout my pregnancy and I have only gained weight in my tummy. Even my belly isn't very big. I don't even look pregnant at all from the back. Still, my husband has been totally turned off for awhile (but he isn't really that into sex in the first place). One thing that has seemed to help is to do it from behind. I think that that way he can pretend I'm not pregnant and doesn't have to look at my belly. It also helps if I keep on my gown or t-shirt that I was wearing before. I know it hurts your feelings when he doesn't think your new silhouette is adorable, it has hurt mine too and made me feel like a cow, but just listen to all those other people who tell you how cute you look. That's what I've done. I just keep thinking about how sexy I'm going to look in a couple months when the baby is here and I have lost my weight, or at least most of it. Oh and have your friends give you compliments in front of him. When that happens (especially when it is a guy that says I'm hot pregnant) it seems to make my hubby like the way I look more.

jes1404 | January 17 , 2010 7:56 PM