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Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

What kind of parenting/responsibility issues should my partner and I talk about and figure out before the baby comes?

Re: What kind of parenting/responsibility issues should my partner and I talk about and figure out before the baby comes?

The Bump Expert

That is a wonderful question and one that not many couples think about prior to their child being born. It is very helpful to discuss any issues that may cause stress in the future; for example, deciding how you will handle the first days home from the hospital. The initial weeks after birth can be very stressful for new parents, especially if they are fighting over who does what. Speak to your partner before the birth and establish both a "parental plan," as well as a "parental philosophy" that will be used throughout your years as parents.

In your parental plan, roughly assign who is going to do what tasks. If one of you can deal with very little sleep, perhaps they are the one to do the most night feedings. If you create a plan beforehand, things will run much smoother during the coming weeks knowing Mom is on 7-3 a.m. and Dad is going to take 3 a.m., because he can function better on no sleep. If the reverse is true, then obviously the parental plan will be flipped. Also, think about getting some support so both you and your husband are able to take some time for yourselves during the first few months.

Establishing a parental philosophy will help you deal with issues such as "Do we let the baby sleep in our bed?" or "Do we want to use a pacifier?" or "Should we let the baby cry at a certain point?" It is important to speak about your experiences and values, and how they will translate into your parenting. This will become even more helpful when you tackle issues such as discipline, chores, and house schedules. Knowing what you each believe in will allow you to formulate more clearer and more realistic expectations regarding how you will interact with your children.

Tammy Gold

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

"More clearer" huh?

bonniefaye |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

My husband and I have talked about many of things. Like, people we trust to babysit, words we dont want our child to say, or hear, religion is always a good thing to talk about and how you will raise your baby in the religious aspect. Also, its good to talk about how much each of you will do, like taking turns getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, and feeding. I'm going to breastfeed but my husband doesnt want to miss out on the feeding/bonding experience so were going to try and have a bottle pumped for him after work so he can come home and spend some time with the baby and feed him/her. Theres all kinds of things to discuss, you can also figure them out as they come though.

Kaynr |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

We and my boyfriend wanna teach our daughter respect and limitation which means 'no spoiling.' :)

HelloxDerrxBeautiful |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

I am almost 9 weeks along with our second child. and noticing that it's hard for my boyfriend to talk about these kind of things. He's more the we'll figure it out as we go. Any suggestions on how to get him to open up about these important issues?

VerySpecialSurprises |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

We had the discussion and my partner doesn't have a parenting philosophy. how do I convince him that he needs one

Cash8812 |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

My boyfriend is not a talker, so what I have been doing is going to websites for the dads, ones for new fathers and fathers to be. The things I think are important and things that I think will help him I cut and copy and email it to him. It has really helped out so far. He has started helping out more and doing sweet things that I know are mentioned in these emails, I also add my feedback at the end of each email about what I think. By him doing the little things now shows me he is receptive of my strategy. I dont get responses but I am able to educate him in a way he accepts. If I sat down and tried to tell him all the things I want him to know he would tune out or probably take it the wrong way. I dont know if this will work for you but it has for me and I think its worth a shot. Every week I also email him an update on the babys size and growth and also how my body is changing and what im dealing with. We are also signed up for parenting classes. I have a 7 yr old, so I am doing this for him and for a refresher. Good luck, communication is the hardest part of a relationship in my opinion.

JocelynElizabeth |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

Me and my boyfriend are ttc and we have had some heated discussions about view points. We both have a boy each from previous relationships. Mine is 9 yrs old, his is 7 yrs old. He is already a great father to his son and a great male role model for my son (his dad is no where to be found). I have no doubt he will do great with our child once we have it. He has already said he will get up in the middle of the night so I can sleep and change diapers and feed and all that good stuff. Our biggest fight is he wants the baby to stay in our room. Not in our bed but our room. Which I am against. We need privacy once I bounce back from child birth. I have already agreed the first few weeks the baby will be in a bassinet next to the bed, but he says the baby will be on his side of the bed and that it's gonna stay there a lot longer then a couple weeks. If that is the only issue we have I will give in I"m sure.

countrygurl0101 |

Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

Philosophies on child-rearing can differ enormously. Acknowledge that your parenting styles are different, such as unique wedding favors. Recognizing that your differing styles of parenting are causing trouble between you is an important first step in finding good solutions.

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Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

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Q&A: Talking about parenting before baby arrives?

I'm a new mom-to-be. My hubby isn't much for talking things like this out... I've noticed in some of the previous mentioned posts, that the man is more preoccupied or just isn't up to talking about things like that. Is that really normal? Also, I'm 35wks 0 days, and I am always trying to get him to talk about how we will raise our son, I know how I was raised and wish to raise him in a similar fashion (without the bad parts) and yet I know it's not completely up to me. My husband - I believe is afraid he'll not be a good dad and I think that's what is holding him back from talking about this subject. However, since everyone's 'parenting' theories are different and vary from person to person, I am just seeking some general advice on this... I'd like for my hubby to be more involved, but I think his fear is keeping him from committing to talking about it.

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