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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

The baby is due pretty soon, and all of a sudden DH and I are starting to feel totally unprepared to be parents. How can I reassure myself?

Re: The baby is due pretty soon, and all of a sudden DH and I are starting to feel totally unprepared to be parents. How can I reassure myself?

The Bump Expert

So you're getting a little nervous about becoming a parent... no surprise there. After all, you're embarking on basically the biggest adventure known to man. Not to add to the pressure or anything. But seriously -- ignoring the fear isn't the way to deal with it. In face, that will only make it worse. A better idea is to talk about it with your mate.

Start by figuring out what your concerns really are. Are you worried about losing your freedom... or your sex life? Scared you won't be a good parent? Dreading going back to work or leaving the job? Whatever it is that you're feeling, try to communicate it to your partner. Then, ask him about his own anxieties. Once you've both gotten the fears out of your heads and into words, chances are, things will seem a lot less scary. And, you might be surprised to find that the two of you actually (probably) share some concerns.

By sharing your deepest feelings rather than erecting a wall, you'll strengthen your emotional intimacy and find yourselves better prepared to handle your soon-to-arrive new addition -- as a couple.

Paula Kashtan

re: Q: Panicking About Parenthood?

I don't think this site sometimes realizes that some women are doing this on their own. By choice or not by choice. Though there are always people who surround us and love us, we don't always have a partner to share those emotions with.

Megatron |

re: Q: Panicking About Parenthood?

I agree with Megatron. My first child which is now 11 I raised with my parents. The support you get from you loved ones is wonderful, but if you have your partner there it is a feeling you can't explain.Single soon to be mothers hang in there. My mother always says to me,"God never gives you more than you can handle."

honeyandI |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm glad I stumbled on to this question and read the comments. Ithought I was the only single one on this site...

ccw479 |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I totally agree with the other ladies! I, too, will be a single mom. All too often it is "DH" this and "DH" that. What about those of us without an "H"

MarchGal |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I am so glad I'm not the only single parent by choice. My daughter's father lives across county & we have agreed to co-parent. Which means I am on my own majority of the time. I have an 11 yr old who's been amazing, but handling a teen, homework, a baby is freaking me out. They say you're suppose to be older & wiser, well I'm older & more scared than ever.

arasassy |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I really thought i was the only single mother to be on this site also!thanks magatron fa even sayin something because alot of us would have think we were the only ones!!!1

faypez242 |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm not single. But push come to shove...DH is not going to do any of the hard work because he's freaked out and probably going to be afraid to touch her. So I have a panick that I feel like I will be alone in this.

Woohoneychild |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

Woohoneychild, I can relate to that one!! I love my husband dearly, but he is still very immature and rather on the selfish side (thanks be, partly, to his mother!) I panic in knowing that I will be doing a great deal of this on my own but with the added frustration of him being present physically but not 'there'. Has anyone else dealt with this siutation and survived? Please pass on the battle stories and any words of wisdom, it's so appreciated!! :)

ShyCowgirlwy |

re: Q: Panicking about parenthood?

yeah to all the single moms who have spoken up (i'm a single mom too). this site does focus a lot on the happily married couple. single moms (by choice or circumstance) talk through your fears with your support network (friends, family, etc). Don't think you have to be superwoman and ask for help and reassurance (something I'm trying to work on).

arualis |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

well im in a weird situation I am seperated from my husband with divorce papers filled but just found out I'm pregnant by him so Im not single but not married either. Nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't in the happily married club here either!

mercedes9021 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months and he's very adament about getting married since we found out I'm 5 weeks. We love eachother, have talked about marriage even before baby, and are both excited about the pregnancy, but I'm worried the only reason we'd be getting married is for the baby and a wedding would be just another stressful event before the baby comes. So my question is, is it really worth it to get married?

mfarrand86 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

mfarrand86, My only advice would be to get married only if you know you can sustain through anything together. I have a stepdaughter and my husband and I are expecting our first, but the relationship with my husband and his daughter's mom makes things very difficult. It breaks my heart because she is such a sweet little girl, and we have an amazing relationship, but I can see how much it hurts her to have to go back and forth all the time. If you can make it work as a family, go for it!! But only if you know you will be committed and stand by eachother through anything! It's hard to tell the future, but you know your relationship better than anyone...

BBontheway |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

for those married women worried about their partner's apparent lack of parental instincts, i'd say don't stress it so much. i was very worried about how involved my DH would be when i was pregnant with my first, and for the first few months i really did the bulk of the work with our DD. but once he got more comfortable with the idea that he wasn't going to break her as easily as he thought, he got much more involved. you really just have to keep reassuring him that he can handle it, and that you need his help. it may not work for everyone, but it worked for me, and now that our DD is almost 2, and baby number 2 is on the way, i have no fears about him not helping out when i need him.

spacegirlag |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am scared to death myself!!! I am pregnant with twin boys and have a 2 yr old daughter. My daughter's father was never in the picture and the twins father live 5 states away and does nothing to show he can provide. I feel like my family is forcing me to do adoption and I dont know what to do or how to even make suuch a decision! I have no idea if i cna handle this by myself!!!

RDavis8707 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Do not let your family or anyone else for that matter talk you into anything you don't want to do. You can find the strength to do just about anything if you decide it is what you want. I just read an article and a woman in the army who delivered a baby for a 13 yr old in afghanistan with no prior medical training. the girl would have died without help and her village would have killed her if an american man touched her. She found the strength to save a perfect strangers life. Just remember your not alone. Just look around at your friends and lean on them when you need to!

AliciaBride02 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm panicking big time too...my boyfriend works but makes minimum wage, and I found out march first I will be losing my job, i'm due april 29...I have no idea how we are going to pay for rent, food, electric, phones, gas...we are barely making it with me working...and finding a job this far along doesn't seem likely. My boyfriend keeps saying "we'll figure something out" I know he's trying to comfort me...but being realistic...I don't know how we are going to figure it out...money doesn't come from thin air!

heathbar4687 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Well I'm 18 and pregnant. The dad left the night i told him that i was pregnant.....We were engaged. lets just say I'm glad i have my parents.

holliemercer |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am pretty calm about this whole parenting thing, but what seems to be the issue is my boyfriend. Hes still living with us and all but for some reason hes feeling alot of anxiety and "trapt" and im not sure how to deal with it. I have a four year old daughter, but he has raised her as his own for a couple years now. So the responsibility of having a kid is nothing new to him. He was actually the one who wanted to have another baby. Im just concerned hes not really active in this pregnancy. He has gone to my apts with me but thats about as far is it goes......any suggestions??

JrsGurl1823 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am 12 weeks and seriously considering adoption....I am very unhappy with my marriage and I no longer want children. I don't know if this is normal to feel this way, but I really hate what my life has become and I want to start over.

littlesergeant |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy with your pregnancy. Before making a major life decision; I would definitely give it some time. Your feelings may change over time and perhaps try some counseling to work out your marital problems. If you do decide to give the baby up for adoption; there are thousands of families who want so desperatly to have children and cannot. My husband and I are adopting a baby that is due this April and we are very greatful for the opportunity to become parents. It is a blessing. I'm sure either way you will make the right decision for the baby.I wish you luck and happiness in your future!

kelly005purple |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

i,M Panicking a whole bunch although i'm only 5 weeks , i have alot to worry a bout and i feel like i'm an the only one doing all the planning my fiancée seems to have no interest in whats going on we only found out yesterday.. maybe i have to give him time .. I thought he had came a round last night but today he is a completely different person and i live so far form my fam i.. just feel londly

blaqjo |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm not a single mom, but just turned 21 a few days ago, and I'm 20 wks along. My boyfriend has had very mixed emotions about our pregnancy. Sometimes he's so great, and othertimes (like now) he's out till the wee hours with his buddies, and it makes me worry that nothing is going to change when our daughter comes along.... I scared that this baby is driving us apart, and I'm so scared to think that i might have to support myself and my daughter all by myself and live on our own together. I'm so scared....... someone please help me see the good in this

kateb5126 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am having alot of problems with this situation aswell.. I am 12 weeks along and my boyfriend of only 5 months, who just turned 21 (im 23) and he has completely shut down on me. I was practically living with him, he told me constantly I was the love of his life. As soon as he found out I was pregnant he never wants to do anything with me. I have tried for weeks to get him involved and to open up about his emotions but he just manages to push me aside and go out. I have cried myself to sleep for the past 3 weeks wondering why he is doing this to me. I am scared too.. I feel as though im doing this on my own..How do I get him to wake up and realize that this is real and it is happening?

flymami272 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

mfarrand86, I completely understand where you are coming from since I am in a similar situation. I was about 5 weeks when I found out and told my boyfriend. He too wants to get married. We had been talking about it before and while I was very happy that we were starting to make plans I was afraid that he was only doing this because of the baby and would later come to regret it feeling like he was trapped or stuck. But after talking through it together we realized it was the right thing for us and what we both wanted. I'm not going to lie to you though it is very stressful trying to plan a wedding before the baby comes. Our wedding will be July 30th of this year! And since we are trying to save most of our money for the baby we are really scaling back on things for the wedding. So we are trying to do a lot of things ourselves which is very difficult when combined with morning sickness and just the sheer exhaustion you feel sometimes when you're pregnant. But I have faith that it will all be worth it in the end and we'll both be very happy that we did this. But I feel comforted by the fact that he is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else and I know I have that commitment and have him to share this with and support me. I think being pregnant we all worry about everything, sometimes too much. I know I'm guilty of this, and we all should just take a step back, take a deep breath and refocus.

jmfang |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm glad to know I am not the only single parent as well. At the moment, I am 13 weeks going on 14 tomorrow and my "partner" hooked back up with his ex (of like 6yrs) before we found out I was pregnant. At first he was freakin out and pushed me away, but now I guess he's getting excited. I am only 20 years old (he 21) and I am suppose to graduate from college this year. There is so much stress and pressure on me right now and it would suck for me to not graduate after 4 years of hard work. To make things worse, he had got accepted to the Berklee School of Music earlier this year all the way in Boston (I'm in Atlanta)!!! He never attended college after high school so we're both excited he's finally starting but he'll be so far away. I even went as far as to invite him to PA to meet my family (he came & enjoyed himself) to see all the support we have... but the hard part is his girlfriend. Honestly, I have no desire to be his "woman" nor does he desire to be my "man" but I do crave the companionship because of our child. It's a very sticky situation & I've come to realize & prepare mentally that I may end up doing this "parenting" thing all by myself... regardless of what life plans I have/had, I step up... I just wish he would do the same... I'm so nervous to see how things will play out... I just hope it works out for the better of our child. ~You are not alone~

shellyj0508 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I will be a single mom, as well. My ex-fiance left when I was 10 weeks pregnant...just couldn't handle it. It's frustrating to see most of the message boards aimed at happy couples, since that's not the reality for many of us. I'm so glad you all have spoken out...it makes me feel much more included. :-)

twilightlibrarian |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Wow it i so refreshing to read all of your situations that are very similar to mine. And you are right about the perfect happy couple thing, I just finished reading a parenting book and it was all about the partnership when in fact I am 17 weeks pregnant and was dating the baby's father for 2 months before I realized I was pregnant. We broke up and are now contemplating getting back together to give it a 'proper' go. My family wants me to come home, thank the lord I have thier love and support, and he wants to have us move in together. We aren't even offically dating yet and he already wants to move in. I am currently 23, and I never imagined being a single mom, havign a baby with a man I am not in love with, and having someone else raise my baby while I work to support us. It is scary as hell!! So much is at stake and unknown its beyond terrifying but extremally exciting. And I just want to be excited to be a mom and having a little me instead of worrying about whether I should move home or try to make it with the baby's dad or worry about my job and finances. So glad to have met you and hear your stories, it gives me strength to know I am not alone. We can do this, I know we can, if not for us, but for our babies.

alimariewhite |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Ladies, I've done this thing both ways. I have a 13 year old and i raised him with my family, not with his father at all. In fact his dad has very little input in his life which was and is still frustrating simply because I iknow my son wants that relationship with his father. Now I'm 27 weeks pregnant today and my fiance and I have been together for a little over a year and we want to get married before our daughter arrives. Since I never had the companionship of a my first childs father it was an adjustment getting used to my current guy being around and wanting to be involved in everything but I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world because I feel this experience is so much richer. I take my hat off to all of the women on here who are going at this journey solo, whether by choice or not because it is hard, it's been hard for me trying to fill both parental roles to a teenager. I want you to know though that you CAN do it and if you stay the course and are dedicated to your child, the bond between the two of you will be amazing in the long run. I also want to say it'll get greater later, I never thought I'd be in the position that I'm in with a caring partner who wants to be involved every step of the way but I am now and it;s a blessing. Don't worry about doing it alone right now, it'll all work out and there's someone who will appreciate you and your child...just don't allow yourself to be bitter about the way things look now. We women are strong and with the support of your family and friends you can raise your child to be a productive, loving person with or without the father. I know I did. Hang in there, God doesn't place more on us than we can bear and everything happens for a reason. Have faith in yourselves ladies. :)

sholt82 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I'm not a single parent, but I can understand the frustration of having a mate that seems less then interested. It took my husband a little while to get used to the idea that we were going to be parents. The first half of my pregancy felt really lonely. But once I started to show and it he had come to grips with the idea that this baby was coming, he started to come around. I'm 36 weeks now and he couldn't be more supportive. Give your guys a little time. This is a HUGE responsibility and takes some getting used to. I pray that each of your fellas comes to recognize the blessing you're carrying. Stay encouraged! :-)

jmolborn05 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

my husband said he couldnt wait to have kids with me, he has 3 with his ex wife, but when i accidentally turned up pregnant even tho im on birth control pills, he freaked out and left. The only interaction i have with him is him yelling at me and telling me he wants a divorce and for me to have an abortion. Both my parents are dead and so is my maternal grandmother. I dont know any of my other relatives. My husband moved me up here to kentucky from atlanta when we married, so now I am completely and utterly alone.....

Jocelbug |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

My husband and I have been excited about the baby from day one. I am due in a few weeks and I am getting very nervous about my abilities to actually be a mother. I have never changed a diaper on a baby. I have never put clothes on a baby. I have never been alone with a baby. Fortunately, my husband has more experience than I do, so I will be relying on him to show me the ropes. I know he is nervous, but he has been so supportive and reassuring to me through the whole pregnancy. I know he will help me transition into the newest adventure in our life together!

ThomasandAlison |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Yesterday after going to one of our weekly appointments, my hubby and I found out that we will be induced possibly next week or if all is well no later than thanksgiving. I'm so excited yet terrified as our due date is not until Dec. 4th. After having the ultrasound and seeing our baby was already 6 lbs and had a head full of hair, all I could focus on was getting her here safely. In a matter of seconds my anxiety all went away and I've caught my second wind and even can't wait to have another baby. This pregnancy has been less than great..fertility treatments, sick until 25 weeks, diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, and the newest problem I'm borderline pre-ecclampsia getting labs every week. Somehow when seeing my sweet little baby on the computer screen all of the torture I have endure over the last 9 months made it all worth it. Blessing to each and every one of you single or happily married mothers to be. We are tougher than we gives ourselves credit:)

snrc2138 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

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watson012 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

To all you YOUNG girls.... Have you NEVER HEARD OF BIRTH CNTROL?!?!?!? I'm sorry but if you're not able to provide for your child without a man around, what business do you have being a parent when you have to require aid from everyone else? You chose to have sex and get pregnant, not your family or the tax payers.

femifatale |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

@femifatale no birth control is 100% and sometimes in the heat of the moment, your mind isn't exactly on birth control. It's pretty unfair of you to single out young mothers and give them lip for being pregnant. Signing up for this site shows that they are at least going to try to be good mothers. Give them a break, and don't be so quick to judge. You have no idea what their true circumstances are.

kdadd001 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Parenthood is scary, as it should be. We should approach this lifestyle with caution, respect and excitement. I'm nervous of course as this will be my first child any day now, but I do realize that with love, patience, energy and optimism, I can do it. Power through new parents, its an adventure to treasure.

webermama |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

@femifatale I don't know what your definition of "young" is but I am a 22 year old who is about to become a single mom. No one is financially supporting me (my family or tax payers) and I know I am going to be a great mother. It's pretty unfair of you to just assume a young mother will be relying on her family and government aid. I for one am perfectly capable of supporting my daughter.

ashleebc |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

To the single and or young mothers to be feeling left out on here, I'm not single or terribly young, but my mom was. She was 17, single, and on her own when she had me. I think that she was and is the best mom in the whole world. I know that it wasn't always easy for her, but I never knew it at the time. My mom always says children don't come with a manual, you're going to make mistakes. Any mother, single, young, or otherwise will make mistakes. Love makes up for a lot. There are a lot of stereotypes about the children of young single parents. Don't believe them. You can do this!

lacierenai |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

These are issues to be met with the guidance of a family and couple counselor or even a legal adviser if it`s the case of a divorce or the establishment of a spousal support for that matter. The point is panicking over it will only make it worse, the point is to settle down to some wise solutions over this problem.

conquerer |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

heathbar4687, don't panic- you can make it work and you are stronger and more resourceful than you think. In the meantime, if you are worried about work, I can relate. I left my job, and got pregnant about 1 month later. It was not the plan! I started doing temp work, b/c you can choose short assignments. They don't mind so much if you're pregnant b/c they aren't expecting you to stay on long-term. It may not be your career, but it's money in your pocket. Give it a shot. You can make it work! :)

sheroics |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I myself am not going to be a single parent but I was raised by one. There were 3 of us and my mother had the additional stress of finding out that my two younger siblings were deaf to top it off. I have a great respect for women or even fathers that choose to go it alone. I have my own worries since my husband doesn't show emotions very well. If he's excited you'll see it in his overall mood change which is subtle at best. If he's not you won't see anything. He will be honest when you ask him though. It's just hard to believe when you don't see the actions really there to back it up. I've spent most of my pregnancy now (37 weeks) worried he's just telling me what I want to hear. He says he's excited and friends that he has seem to be able to see the big enough picture to agree but I guess I just don't see it. I'm worried I'll be left to fend for myself with the baby and that he'll just carry on as though nothing has changed.

meisixx89 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I don't think some of you realize that its an answer to a question. In the question it is specifically stated that there is a DH. The bump isn't trying to not include single mothers, the poster was just answering the question.

niawashere |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

Even those of us with a partner involved don't always get to share our emotions or feel supported by our spouse. I work twelve hour night shifts. My husband acted like another baby would be no problem at all, and even proudly dubbed himself "Mr. Mom," as he already cares for our seven year old while I am at work. Ever since the positive pregnancy test, he has completely changed his tune. He basically has told me I will be responsible for all baby care, and that am going to have to find a nanny to stay the night and care for the baby while I am at work. Just being in a relationship doesn't make being a mom any easier, and from what I have observed in my own and my friends' relationships, mommy usually pulls double duty while dad reluctantly fills in the gaps. I have never observed a couple who actually equally shared parenting duties, but maybe that's just my circle of friends.

AbbyBarnesRN |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I too, am panicking about being a parent. I am three weeks away from delivering my little girl, and have serious anxiety over it. My husband is never home due to his job, and I feel like I am going to be alone in this. Plus, when he's home, he doesn't show much interest in helping me with chores or anything. I am so glad I am not alone

taragayle13 |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

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Austin&Rachel |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I am very worried. Even though I am young (23), my husband and I have been married a little over two years. He is supportive and excited, but he has this illusion that nothing in his life will change once our little one is here. He still goes out and spends hundreds of dollars drinking with his buddies. I am just worried that when he realizes he can't do that every weekend he will start to resent my and his daughter. After reading all the other comments I feel like such a horrible person for even complaining because I respect these other woman going through much more difficult situations. I am grateful for the support I have, but I am afraid of what may happen here in just a few weeks.

llflanary |

Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

I think I'm one of the most blessed women... I can't imagine going through this pregnancy without my hubby, I live so far away from family and friends that he is my primary mode of support... I admire the strength single mothers have, the pride you must have in your abilities as parents is very admirable - and encouraging. My sister may become a single mother soon - as her husband is looking at leaving (thinking the grass is greener on the other side)... Anyway, I have to hand it to my hubby tho... he's put up with me for over a year now and we are expecting our first child (a boy due VERY soon!) and he and I are both very nervous about becoming parents, but we both know it will be alright. You single moms keep fighting the good fight and keep strong! I really do admire your strength! I don't know if I would ever be able to handle things on my own like that... God bless ya'll!

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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

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Q&A: Panicking about parenthood?

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