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Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I am currently six months pregnant and have an out-of-whack sex drive. I get self-conscious and don't want my husband to touch me because I'm embarrassed about all of the weight I've gained. What can I do to get our sex life back where it was before I gained the weight?

Re: I am currently six months pregnant and have an out-of-whack sex drive. I get self-conscious and don't want my husband to touch me because I'm embarrassed about all of the weight I've gained. What can I do to get our sex life back where it was before I gained the weight?

The Bump Expert

I'm so glad you emailed me. You are a perfect case of the "I think I'm fat, so he'll think I'm fat too" complex. We women are particularly guilty of this. We get so wrapped up in our own little insecurities -- no matter what form they take -- that we assume our partners think the same thing. Let me assure you: He thinks completely differently than you do!

Once we can get our heads around this fact, most of us tend to relax. The thing is, the majority of men see an overall picture of the woman they love. They don't notice a little excess weight here,a little bulge there. Instead they see the whole package without the detail. Research proves it too. You can do a simple test at home to prove it to yourself. Ask your husband to find, for example, the mustard in the fridge, and you'll see he takes far longer than you would. This is because men see the whole fridge and not the detail of the little items in it.
So hold that thought in mind and believe that he wants to touch and hold you. Talk yourself up each and every day. Tell yourself what a fabulous mother-to-be you are and how you should be more gentle on yourself.

At the same time, do take care of your body while you're pregnant. Short walks or taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make you feel healthier all over (as long as your doctor okays it). It's important to be fit and well,but not obsessed about your weight.

Dr. Pam Spurr

re: Q: Embarrassed About Belly?

I prefer to have sex in the dark and DH tries very hard not to press against the baby bump -- that way I can pretend I'm still skinny! :)

SweetieBabe |

re: Q: Embarrassed About Belly?

I am wondering if all of the women that I meet each week that tell me "you certainly are big for 25 weeks" "Are you SURE you're not having twins?", etc... I'm wondering if these women know how horribly rude they're being and how hurtful it is to hear. So far, not a week of my pregnancy since 8 weeks has gone by without one hurtful comment. My Dr says I'm doing fine. Can anyone think of a way to put these people in their place? I'm sick of being insulted.

lnelder |

re: Q: Embarrassed about belly?

Please don't worry to much about other people's comments. I got that the whole time (and I was a "normal size") Maybe try a simple comment like "I think I would know," or "yes there is just one but thanks for your concern. " Sometimes you can kill them with kindness. And from your picture your belly looks great! I am trying to concieve, so rightnow I am instantly jealoue of all pregnant bellys. I always thought pregnancy is a beautiful thing. At no other time in your life are you ever so consumed with the smallest of all changes going on with (and inside) your body. Just do your best to relax & enjoy it.

jpowell3 |

re: Q: Embarrassed about belly?

im am the opposite i get lots of comments on how small i am for how far along i am...which only makes me freak out...i worry the baby isnt growing right or something. i know people dont think their comments mean much but i wish people would think before they speak. especially ones who have never had kids or its been a long time.

ccrow |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

ccrow- im in the same boat as you the first thing people say is " you are so small u dont look pregnant at all!" even my midwife said it when she first met me..makes me worry things aren't growing or that i'm not eating healthy enough..it doesnt help that gaining weight seems to be my everest...i just hope for the day people won't say " u sure you're pregnant??" :/

Alexela |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I think pregnancy for men is a mysterious time that makes them very curious about their partner! My DH can't get enough of my new, rounder body (I'm at 24 weeks now). Every time I give him a chance (and really listen), he wants to tell me how attractive the big belly is! It amazes me. Plus he loves that he can feel the baby move now. I try to take those moments and make them very big in my consciousness, so I can focus on the good parts instead of the insecurities that come along.

wonderbird |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I'm going to be graphic, okay? Focus on your good parts. Sit astride and let him enjoy those fuller breasts. Do it doggy style so he's looking at your gorgeous curvy butt and your belly is hidden from view. All men are turned on the three things: curves, vagina, and your enthusiasm.

titania9 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

So I have a history of MS and went into relapse in June. I was on high doses of steroids for 40 days and gained 15 additional pounds before getting pregnant. I am larger than I have ever been before in my life. This relapse was our determining factor of whether or not we were going to get pregnant. Now or never you know? So here I am now 28 weeks and 187lbs. This with 20lbs gained already during my pregnancy. My OB has told me she only wants me to gain 20-25 lbs, however the way the weight is gained is most important. Basically fluids vs baby. You have to make sure your eating he right foods. Luckily I have a very loving husband, who by no way shape or form will make me feel bad about how I look right now. As for myself I feel like a whale, or one of those toys where you punch it and it just sits back up. The ones that are weighted at the bottom? I pivot from my middle. Anyways, heres the way I look at it. I am an avid gym goer when I'm not pregnant and have taken some time off since I got sick. So I am going to chalk it up to pregnancy, do what I can to feel good, enjoy this last pregnancy, and am not going to be embarrassed about my size. My husband still loves me the same. I've been showing since eight weeks (the uterus never forgets, even after thirteen years). The insecurities will not be there forever! Only 40 weeks. Were emotional! Focus on what makes you feel good and forget all the rest. They are not in your shoes right now!

longpour02@yahoo.com |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I am issues with my weight also but and unfortunately I have both anorexia and bulimia. I'm 25 weeks and I weigh 125lbs and yes people saw hurtful things like gosh you're big and yes its rude. I just smile and tell then I'll have my body back as soon as the baby is born when are you going to get your body back in shape. My hubby loves my body and I'm learning to deal with it some days I'm tempted to diet and really exercise and lose weight but I don't.

aprilyvonnesmith |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I can totally relate with people asking rude questions... I am 20 weeks and people ask me..." So are you delivering a few weeks?? Is it twins??...I get so irritated because I still fit into my small clothes from before its just my belly....

bubbles2618 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

So many of us get the rude comments and questions. People constantly tell me I'm huge and ask if I'm 100 percent sure it's not twins. Someone actually said to me "well, one could be hiding behind the other you know."The funny thing is, I've measured normal with my doctor and some days people will say, "you're barely showing!" Sadly, it's mostly women that say the rude things.

CourtneyandDavid |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I had someone say that I am "really big for 16 weeks" the other day and am I sure I'm not having twins. Actually, I guess I'm not sure cause I haven't had an ultrasound yet but thanks for making me feel like a big fat pig and now I'm freaking out about the twins! What is wrong with people?

munojd |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I'm at 16 weeks and not showing much, but none of my clothes fit right and maternity clothes just hang on my body like a tent. I also keep getting comments about how, "You don't look pregnant!". The thing is, that strangers stop with that comment. My friends have gone one step further to add, "You just look pudgy," or "Now you just look like me," (that one came from an overweight friend). It makes me feel terrible to think I look overweight and unhealthy versus pregnant. My husband keeps telling me, "It's not fat, you're pregnant." I know this is true, but other people don't necessarily. I look like a chubby person insisting on wearing clothes that are a size too small. Not cool.

Emy166 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I completely understand what this is like. Im 26 weeks today. Before i got pregnant I was an exercise-aholic! I worked out hard,and all the time! During my first trimester i didnt work out because i was sick all day everyday... I've been on {almost} bed rest now for like 2 months and my body was used to working out, and now im not allowed to. Im trying to eat healthy, but i have a lot of body image issues. Im okay with my belly, because thats baby. but its my legs and face, and bum and arms that I have a hard time dealing with. And someone told me i was huge a few weeks ago, and i almost started crying. Some people dont know how hurtful those words can be. Im 126lbs at 26 weeks.. [gained 16] and i just want to tell women (because it's onle ever women who say rude thngs like that) I can see myself in the mirror everyday, I dont need you telling my how big i am! Its just frustrating seeing my WHOLE body change so much, and im not allowed to do anything about it. But i just gotta keep telling myself, im doing this for mybaby girl!

billobaby |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I read somewhere that, due to evolutionary necessities, men are more likely to be sexually attracted to their pregnant partner. Upon investigation (a little survey for my guy friends), I found most find women from 3 months to full term as super sexy! Very reassuring!

katiexbones13 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

Embrace this! It is the one time when having a big belly is expected and accepted. I am only 14 weeks and not much of a bump yet but I can't wait till i actually look pg and not like i just ate too much. My husband rubs my lil belly and talks to it everyday and it is so sweet. Indulge your sexual appetite while you have it and have the time.

sastaton |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

Do not be embarrassed about your belly, it is a proud moment in your life, and who cares if other people think hurtful things, doesnt matter what they think. Tell them that is rude to say and walk off.

tigerlilygirl842006 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

People (especially women) have NO filters when it comes to pregnant women. Even my DH says things that are hurtful sometimes. (unintentionally, of couse.) I'm trying to blame the hormones, & be super nice back... In hopes that they feel at least a little bit bad. =)

lcommesso |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

It is totally normal to feel the way you do. I am only 16 weeks, have gained 10 lbs and 6 inches in my belly! I carry very high and it is very high. Being someone who didn't have a belly before it is very obvious and all I can say is try to embrace it or at least do little things to help you feel sexy. Buy a few maternity tops that make you feel great. Splurge, clothes that fit make you look smaller. Also, try positions and lotions that help you fee sexy. I also concur with the refrigerator comment. I even read that you pregnant shape helps remind your man of his virility, making him find you extra sexy!

saranjosh |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I don't have an answer for your question. But i would like to say. I think pregnant women are really sexy. I'm 25 weeks and think I'm the cutest thing and my husband loves every inch of me with the lights on. I think it's what you think of yourself that matters. Being pregnant is a beautiful thing embrass it. Good Luck

alilbit00 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

Yesterday a co-worker asked when I was due.. I said June. She replied with, "My daughter in law is due in May and you're a lot bigger than she is." I just stared at her and then turned around and continued working. I wanted to slap her! Who says things like that to someone?!!?

NBleau |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

These were some hilarious snarky comments you wish you could say, or would say if you have the nerve! They're at least worth a laugh... http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2011/1/15/clever-pregnancy-comebacks-part-one.html http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2011/1/16/clever-pregnancy-comebacks-part-two.html http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2011/1/18/clever-pregnancy-comebacks-part-three.html

aestrunk1 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I manage a restaurant, so I am used to people being unreasonably rude (as if there is ever a reason to be rude). I could write novels about the things people have said to me. It is part of the job, so I let most things just roll off me, but I will not let some stranger personally attack me because of my body. You don't have to be rude back, but a comment like "My doctor and I think I'm progressing perfectly" should get it across to any negative Nancy, who should be so bold as to even think something rude about the way a pregnant woman looks, that you are not concerned with her opinion and she can shut her stupid face and mind her own business. Plus you don't have to look like a crazy, hormone-filled woman even though you may want to smack her in front of the entire world. We are creating miracles inside us! Let's not let the ignorant give us cause to be insecure.

ThomasandAlison |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

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Tim Robbin |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

Im super self concious about how I look and hate every size 2 woman I see now that i am pregnant. Whenever people tell me i look huge for 4 months or ask if i am having twins i just tell them im not pregnant and i have a tumor and im waiting for an operation, Gets them everytime and they feel like TOTAL crap which makes me happy cause they deserve it. I am pregnant and if people are going to be rude to me then i can use the hormone excuse and be just as rude back.

smollot |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

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watson012 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I ask my husband all the time, "Do you still think I am beautiful?" and he responds with "I will always think you're beautiful, especially because you are growing our baby in your belly"! He loves it : )

clashure09 |

embarrassed-about-belly

My husband is fascinated with my belly. I suppose it is a good thing, but it freaks me out when he alternates between talking to my belly and fondling me. He seems to have no problem seeing me as a mom and still his sexy wife, but apparently I have a difficult time seeing myself as both at exactly the same moment. He was a little hesitant about being intimate early in pregnancy, but after I assured him the baby has no way to know what is going on he got over his hesitation, took me at my word, and now tells the baby about his day while trying to start something with me. Somehow it still just weirds me out. He doesn't seem to mind the extra weight though. He just tells me I'm still beautiful and reminds me I can have my body back to myself in a couple more months. He seems to know I need the reassurance without me saying that I do.

JaneDoe968 |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

@janedoe968 that's hilarious! My boyfriend just rolls his eyes at me when I say I feel like a mammoth, or whatever the giant animal of the day is, and says ”oh, cupcake...stop it. Ur with baby, not fat. And don't worry about anything; after six Weeks your ass is grass! We're doing Insanity or P90X. Eat what u want now, do whatever....it will be oooookaaaaay.” Lol. He loves my belly too and rubs/holds/kisses it and has this weird obsession with poking my bellybutton... Just last night he reached out to touch my belly and I reactively plugged my own bellybutton before he could. He looked at me kind of hurt and waited a few minutes to try again. I did it again. He got all upset saying he just wanted to hold me. I told him it was his own fault and he shouldn't be reaching to ”hold” me with his finger pointed.... He just busted out laughing cuz he knew he was caught.

sunshine&penguins |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I am having trouble "embracing the bump". I worked out a lot and ate really healthy before I got pregnant. I am still working out, but not as intense or often as I was pre-pregnancy. As for my diet habits, sweets are constantly getting the best of me... Im 19 weeks and have gained 9 lbs (I was 110 pre-pregnancy). My boobs are huge and my belly is definitely starting to make its presence known (along with my thighs and face looking a little more full)! My husband thinks I look great and comments that I was too skinny before but I just cringe everytime anyone comments on the fact that I'm starting to show. I about have a heart attack anytime someone TRIES (because I'm not embarressed to tell them not to) to touch my stomach. It makes me so uncomfortable and self cautious when people point out that I'm starting to show... I HATE it. I wish I was more comfortable with the weight gain, but Im just not there yet. Maybe once I fit into maternity clothes i'll feel better. As for right now I just feel gross because my clothes are getting snug and maternity clothes are still too big.... 21 weeks to go. At least in the end ill have a sweet little butter bean :)

almostlavender |

Q&A: Embarrassed about belly?

I also have issues with my belly during sex. Because the larger i get, the more uncomfortable the positions and i cant sit on my hubby anymore because im too heavy, so the Want to have sex goes out the window. i feel bad for hubby because he obv wants to get physical and i dont have the urges. And as for rude people, they constantly say i'm having twins or im delivering soon. Just ask them to think about how huge they were when they were pregnant. i swear its like some women forget.

ghores13 |