Re: I am currently six months pregnant and have an out-of-whack sex drive. I get self-conscious and don't want my husband to touch me because I'm embarrassed about all of the weight I've gained. What can I do to get our sex life back where it was before I gained the weight?
I'm so glad you emailed me. You are a perfect case of the "I think I'm fat, so he'll think I'm fat too" complex. We women are particularly guilty of this. We get so wrapped up in our own little insecurities -- no matter what form they take -- that we assume our partners think the same thing. Let me assure you: He thinks completely differently than you do!
Once we can get our heads around this fact, most of us tend to relax. The thing is, the majority of men see an overall picture of the woman they love. They don't notice a little excess weight here,a little bulge there. Instead they see the whole package without the detail. Research proves it too. You can do a simple test at home to prove it to yourself. Ask your husband to find, for example, the mustard in the fridge, and you'll see he takes far longer than you would. This is because men see the whole fridge and not the detail of the little items in it.
So hold that thought in mind and believe that he wants to touch and hold you. Talk yourself up each and every day. Tell yourself what a fabulous mother-to-be you are and how you should be more gentle on yourself.
At the same time, do take care of your body while you're pregnant. Short walks or taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make you feel healthier all over (as long as your doctor okays it). It's important to be fit and well,but not obsessed about your weight.
Dr. Pam Spurr | May 18 , 2009 1:42 PM