baby registry

need to buy a gift?

Find baby registries (at top retailers!) and websites with one easy search.

what's hot around the web

you asked...

Q&A: Sharing nighttime duties with husband?

I’ve never been so tired in my life, and my husband won’t get up during the night to feed the baby. I don’t want to nag (but I don’t want to get up either). Any advice?

Re: I’ve never been so tired in my life, and my husband won’t get up during the night to feed the baby. I don’t want to nag (but I don’t want to get up either). Any advice?

The Bump Expert

Have you tried the megaphone-in-his-ear approach? Kidding. A better idea is having a calm conversation when you’re not at your wits' end... or dealing with a cranky baby. Don’t attack; instead, let him know how exhausted you are (he might not realize), and explain that it's important for your relationship -- as well as his relationship with his baby -- that he take on this responsibility.
 
Remind him that he’s not your helper, he's your partner -- meaning he should be just as engaged in raising baby as you are. And yes, that includes changing poopy diapers and getting up for night feedings. If he’s scared of doing it wrong, remind him that you’re new at this too. Once he’s on board, let him do things his way. In other words, stop looking over his shoulder and pointing out mistakes.

Paula Kashtan

re: Q: Sharing Nighttime Duties?

I want to ask my husband to help out at night but, I feel guilty asking him to. I quit my job to stay home with our son and my husband gets up early to go to work. I can nap when the baby sleeps and he has to work all day. Should I look at this differently?

sarahb25 |

re: Q: Sharing nighttime duties?

I'll never forget our first night home with our baby. He wasnt up all night but it was still a night with a newborn. The next morning my husband wakes up at like 7:30 and goes "man he slept good" if looks could kill he'd be dead. Ever since then he wakes up at just about anything the baby does.

lovemoose5506 |

re: Q: Sharing nighttime duties?

Before we go to bed every night we ask each other, "what does your morning look like? What is your current 'tired' level? How do we want to do night time feeds (who takes first feed, 2nd...etc)? this usually helps because we know which one we are taking and then it seems more fair....we've compromised!!!

jejo13 |

re: Q: Sharing nighttime duties?

If you're a SAHM or you're in the first few weeks and still on leave, I would suggest taking the 2/3 approach- You get up twice, he gets up once, you get up twice, he gets us once, etc. This is even more helpful if you'll be going back to work while baby is still not sleeping through the night completely, because DH will be used to being part of the routine. It's a lot easier to start this way and then modify the schedule, than it is to do it alone for 2 months and then expect full support. Just remind him that your days are busy, too, and that even though they may have a little bit more flexibility at times, you have a VERY stressful job. If you're already working equal hours, I'd just jump into taking turns OR you take every feeding until one, and he takes every feeding after one. (If getting up regularly keeps you sleepy, this can help you feel like you got one long stretch instead of 5 tiny cat naps.)

rebleigh1 |

Q&A: Sharing nighttime duties with husband?

I BF and BDing takes about 1.5hrs. So our routine is that everytime he cries I get up... I change him, then feed him. However, when he pees all over his clothes or when im just too tired to do anything except sit there and stare into space with my BB in his mouth I call my husband over through the monitor. That way he helps me change the baby, about 7min., and then goes back to bed.

Junesong_109 |