7 Worst Things to Say to a Woman Who's Single and Pregnant
When it comes to being single and pregnant, it feels like everybody has their own opinion -- or way-too-nosy questions. Whether they're trying to get the 'dirt' on baby's father, or asking about your quest for child support (so not their business!), people really say these ridiculous things to single moms-to-be. Photo: Lindsay Flanagan
1. "Do you know who the father is?"
"Someone at work asked me, 'Do you know who the father is?' and I could only respond with, 'Uh, what?' I wanted to say something like, 'No, no I don't. There are five, maybe six possibilities. Maury has me scheduled for next week. But thanks for asking!' Don't people understand privacy anymore?!" -- Lara W.*
Why it's off-limits: Not only are you putting your nose where it doesn't belong -- and coming off as totally insensitive and rude -- but you're implying that her sex life is so chaotic that she can't keep track of it. And that's almost the same as saying she's promiscuous.
2. "What's the deal with your relationship?"
"If I was out with a co-worker for lunch or shopping for baby gear with a good guy-friend of mine, people would keep asking, 'Is so-and-so your baby's father?' I was used to the attention and the questions, but I felt awful for the people I was with! Just because I was with someone doesn't mean he's my child's father!" -- Willa F.
Why it's off-limits: If someone wants to reveal details about their personal life, they'll tell you. And as far as assuming they've slept with every guy they're seen with? This goes back to #1 on the list.
3. "Get that child support, girl!"
"People didn't even care about my pregnancy. The only advice they wanted to give me was, 'Make sure you file for child support! Don't let whoever got you pregnancy get away.' Um, sorry, but I wasn't letting anyone 'get away!'" -- Danika G.
Why it's off-limits: Most people don't like to talk about their own money situation -- and you have no idea what this mom-to-be's is. Not every single dad-to-be is a deadbeat, so it may be offensive if you assume that this particular one is. If she chooses to pursue child support from her child's father, she most likely won't want to talk it over with you first (sorry).
4. "Sometimes I feel like a single mom -- even though I'm happily married."
"I had a mommy friend who would tell me, 'Sometimes I feel like a single mom because my husband is away on business during the week.' I was like, 'And that makes me feel better how?'" -- Jessica K.
Why it's off-limits: Even though you feel like you can relate to the single mom you know, you can't completely unless you're one yourself. We agree that it's tough when your partner goes away on business trips, but it will never measure up to raising a child on your own completely.
5. "You did this to yourself."
"Once, this guy was asking about me about my baby's father. I told him honestly, 'He chose not to be involved,' and this guy's reply was, 'Well, you're the one that slept with the a**hole.' I literally could not believe what he said to me." -- Mariah B.
Why it's off-limits: You're certainly not perfect, and no one else is either, so playing the blame game is just plain hurtful. Plus, becoming a single mom isn't a death sentence. She's got a lot of amazing moments ahead of her.
6. "This will be good for your sex life."
"I had someone tell me 'Oh, you're going to get hit on so much... because single moms are easy!' I'm not sure if I was more offended by the 'easy' comment or by the fact that this person assumed I'd gotten pregnant just to get hit on!" -- Alexandra R.
Why it's off-limits: A single mom has much bigger fish to fry than finding a date. How about instead of talking about her sex life, finding some other positive comment to lift her up when she's feeling down? For example, "You're going to be such a loving mom -- this baby will be so lucky!"
7. "Did you go to the sperm bank?"
"When I told my coworkers I was pregnant, someone asked me, 'Oh, my gosh! Did you go to a sperm bank?' I honestly couldn't believe what she was saying to me." -- Ilona B.
Why it's off-limits: Think for a moment about what the answer might be. If it's a yes and she's uncomfortable telling that to you, it will be completely awkward. If it's a no, she might think you're accusing her of not being able to find a man.
*Some names have been changed.
Plus, more from The Bump:
Single and Pregnant?
10 Men That Single Moms Should Avoid
The Truth About Being a Single Mom
See More: Mommy Life , 1st Trimester , 2nd Trimester , 3rd Trimester , Parenting Styles
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