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Q&A: Parenting as a team?

How can my husband and I become more of a parenting team? Our parents raised us differently, so it’s hard to agree on how to do things with our own child.

Re: How can my husband and I become more of a parenting team? Our parents raised us differently, so it’s hard to agree on how to do things with our own child.

The Bump Expert

Aside from money, parenting style is probably one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Couples are often surprised that they are arguing about so many “little things” once they have a child, and it can get pretty heated. We often take offense when our partner wants to parent differently than we do, as though they are saying that our way is wrong. You both need to check your egos at the door and realize that doing something differently doesn’t mean that your way is wrong; it just isn’t comfortable for your partner. A certain style may also conflict with the personality of your child. I remember telling everyone that when I had kids, I was going to be the most laid-back person ever. I wasn’t going to let my daughter dictate our schedule… then came Kayla. Kayla wouldn’t sleep anywhere but her crib and would make us all miserable if she wasn’t in her crib for her three naps and asleep by 7. There went my flexible parenting style!

The first thing you and your partner can do is decide that you do indeed want to parent as a team. That may seem obvious, but just that one agreement alone can relieve a lot of stress. Once you have come to understand that you are playing for the same team, you then need to make the rules. I recommend that couple actually write the rules down. Make up categories such as sleep, food, discipline, atmosphere in the home, baths, bottle washing, etc. Then negotiate, and try to meet in the middle. If all else fails, I recommend you call a parenting coach or therapist who can help you overcome these hurdles.

Lisa Peri

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

I wish my husband and I could find some common ground, we've both expressed we would like to be on the same team but it seems no matter what compromise I make (after being a single mom for almost 4 years.) he can't compromise himself on some things. Writing down a list won't work for anything he's awful about actually following through with stuff like that.

sarisa82 |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

Remember you carried that child not him so when he goes against what you think is right you get to overrule his vote because he didnt go throught what you did for your child to be here today.

aconnor2010 |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

I have to say that I do not agree with aconnor2010. Just because biologically I was the one who had to carry and give birth to our child, she is still OUR child, that he helped to make and has every right to help raise in the way he would like. Parenting is just like any relationship, a compromise. And so far, my DH and I haven't had any problems because we both want what is best for HER, not what kind of ideals we had in mind to begin with.

Pool_Chick |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

As a therapist, I can specially tell you that following aconner2010's advice will be much more likely to end in pain and suffering. DO NOT give ultimatums and force your partner to listen to you. That would in no way ENHANCE communication or effort - both things you mentioned in your wishes. Instead, go to counseling (covered by insurances) or just get over it. To be honest, at this point if you don't both talk to a completely impartial mediator your marriage will suffer - hence, your relationships with your child will as well.

jenb2bp |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

My DH and I don't do everything the same but it doesn't make either of us right or wrong. What I am having problems with is my DH doesn't seem to understand that I don't want to be busy doing stuff all the time like before I had our son, DH is pushing me to play music at church again and talking about leaving the baby with a sitter so we can go do stuff like before. It is like he doesn't understand that I just want spend a while bonding with our 4 week old son and leaving him with a sitter would be hard because I don't have a pump. I have explained everything to him before and now when he suggest stuff I just say no and he gets grumpy. I don't know what else to do though!

KarolynnS1153 |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

I just have to be thankful to have a husband who helps with everythingfrom changing diapers, to rubbing my feet at night, we're on this together, the three of us are bonding everyday & our relationship has gotten stronger. He enjoys coming home from work & the first thing he wants to do is to take the baby and be in charge of his duties as a new dad. I feel very bless to have him by mi side, I just hope it continues to be this way.

retnalu |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

Let's face it, guys are weird and will never do things the exact way we want them to. But before flipping out ask yourself two very important things, first is it dangerous on a real level (not the one in 6 billion chance that going outside will cause a freak meteor to hit baby) if it is dangerous show him another way, if not just be happy he's helping. The second thing to ask is if it undermines you to the child, admittedly the kid needs to be older for this one but if you are supportive of each other and show a united front to the child everyone is happier.

CindyBrimmer |

Q&A: Parenting as a team?

I find it intriguing that every mom on here assumes that she's got it all right and the man is just "doing the best they can with their limited abilities. Time to open our eyes, Ladies, sometimes the husbands actually have something that may work better than what we're doing... don't bring them down because they want you to do the things that you enjoyed before or do exactly what you want them to do. I would get completely unglued if the tables were turned!

FKisses |

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