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Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

What about sleep sharing? Is it safe? What are the pros and cons?

Re: What about sleep sharing? Is it safe? What are the pros and cons?

The Bump Expert

Ah, the sleep sharing question... One of those hot button baby topics you’d be wise to steer clear of in mommy and me class. Most parents who “co-sleep”  feel that staying close is important for bonding and emotional development... And most parents who don’t see it as a freaky idea which will result in baby still in the big bed at age six, as well as a major blow already at-risk reserves of marital passion.

One of the main pros of keeping baby in bed with you is that it makes those middle-of-the-night feedings much easier, since you can simply lie in bed as baby nurses. Plus, she might have an easier time going back to sleep than if you'd gotten her out of the crib for feeding. The main con is that it’s a very hard habit to break. Although co-sleeping might help you get more rest during the first couple of months when baby is feeding all the time, that third body in your bed is going to cut into shuteye over time... to say nothing of what it could do to your sex life!

As for the safety issues, the American Association of Pediatrics advises against bed sharing because studies show it increases risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. If you do sleep share, the AAP cautions against doing so when you’ve been drinking or are “excessively tired”... ruling out, oh, every single night for most new parents. The AAP does recommend, though, keeping baby in your bedroom (but in a separate crib or bassinet) for the first few months. Close proximity has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. If even a crib on the other side of the room seems too far, try a co-sleeper, which is a three-sided crib that attaches right to your bed for easy access.

The Bump Editors

re: Q: Sleep Sharing?

I am attemping to get my daughter out of our bed. I had her sleeping in her crib and then my husband and I starting having some rocky times and seperated. When we made the decision to keep working on our realtionship and we came back home he started putting her back in bed with us. Now I can't get him when he is gettting her to sleep to put her to sleep in her room and put her in the crib. Then the next problem arises when she wakes in the middle of the night and will not go back to sleep until she is in our bed. How can I help both of these issues?

GoldOne |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Maybe you should sit down with your husband and talk you should each take some time to share your reasoning and feelings for wanting her to sleep with you or on her own. You probably both have reasons that feel important to you and you need to listen to him just as much as you need him to listen to you. But I'm wondering, why not just let her sleep in bed with you for now? Then you wouldn't have to worry about her not going back to sleep and you wouldn't have to be frustrated with your husband. Many families around the world sleep this way with no negative consequences, and perhaps less frustration for the parents. Or maybe there is a compromise - put the crib in your room near your bed or try a cosleeper if she's young enough.

stephthedoula |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Our 4-month daughter starts the night out in her own room in her crib. She sleeps through most of the night but around 2-3am she'll wake up and be hungry. We feed her and let her sleep the rest of the night in our bed. I was definitely the parent that had mixed feelings about co-sleeping and honestly looked down on it. But when it is the middle of the night and I am about to get up for work in a couple hours, out of shear laziness I let her spend the rest of the night with us. More often then not she just falls right back to sleep and so do I but I am nervous we are setting ourselves up for issues in the future. I don't know how to break it because I am definitely not a fan of the let her "cry it out" method. Maybe it is the remaining hormones but i still get teary eyed everything she really cries. To have her scream because she wants us would break me down. I am not sure it is worth it.

hstajgr |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

i have a question. my 3 month old has slept with me since he was born but my husband is ready to put him in the crib. any time we try he wakes up as soon as we put him down. i let him cry for about 30min but i can only handle it for that long. is there something else i can besides letting him cry it out. if not will letting him cry it out arm him physically or emotionally?

maddywise |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

our babies designer nursery is really just a glorified storage space for his stuff bc he sleeps in our room, BUT not in our bed! he sleeps in a cradle on my side of the bed and we all sleep great. i dont want to be one of these people that has a one or three year old still in there bed and i also didnt want to go through the fighting of getting them out of the bed either. i will mabey use the crib in the nursery when he is 6 mo or older, but for now the cradle in our room is great bc i can get to him quick to feed him or check him and i feel like hes safe. we had him in bed with us twice, it was ok but it can be dangerous and i think it leads to trouble later on when you want them out

sunrocklove |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Our plan was to have our our daughter in a bassinet in our room and then work up to her crib. Our little girl had other ideas and would scream as soon as we put her in there. I just felt that keeping the bed to just my husband and I was worth having my baby that upset. She's 2 months old now and she sleeps with us at night and naps on our bed by herself or in her pack n' play. We plan to try and get her to sleep in her own bed by her birthday. When babies are young they're learning that when they cry someone will be there to fix it or just for comfort. And for the record having her in our bad hasn't really affected our sex life. It's not like your baby is gonna remember you having sex in the same room.

kelley222 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Our daughter slept in our bed until she was 3 months old. We then made the decision to move her to her crib. In the beginning we would rock her until she was asleep or almost asleep and then lay her down in her crib. If she woke up when we put her down, I would give her the bottle and let her eat until she worked herself back to sleep. She is now 5 months old and is able to work herself to sleep by playing wtih her blanket or "talking". She still has times where we giver her a bottle until she falls asleep.

MeganJack1 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

i have a question. my 3 month old has slept with me since he was born but my husband is ready to put him in the crib. any time we try he wakes up as soon as we put him down. i let him cry for about 30min but i can only handle it for that long. is there something else i can besides letting him cry it out. if not will letting him cry it out arm him physically or emotionally? To maddywise, i was just reading about this yesterday. there is a no tears method :) hope this is helpful. i haven't tried yet - our boy is just 5 weeks. good luck! http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-no-tears-methods_1497581.bc

Georgiadog |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My baby is almost 6 weeks old. We started him in the crib, but after the birth I was trying to heal and had a hard time getting up so many times to feed, plus we noticed he didn't like being away from us and he would cry when he realized we weren't there. So we started letting him sleep with us. I feel safer with him next to me. I can't see him in the bassinet, and was waking up several times a night and nearly having a heart attack thinking he wasn't breathing, etc. With him next to me, I can see him there when I open my eyes. I am a light sleeper so if I even touch him I wake up or if he makes a noise. It does make things easier. I am wondering what makes being in the bed more likely to be at risk of SIDS? Is it the heavy sleepers? I keep my blanket away from the baby and make sure he is on his back and unable to roll off the bed. My bed is also on the floor so one time he did roll out, but I noticed right away and woke up and made precautions so it doesn't happen again. I plan on adjusting him to the crib over the next few weeks, but I'm not going to let him cry for hours if he just can't sleep. Crying is stressful on the body, and hours of it is not good for baby's health and emotional well-being. A reasonable amount of crying is ok, but he shouldn't be crying for like 2 hours or something. I have a hard time hearing my son cry and his dad has a hard time with it too. But if he gets his way every time he makes a little whimper, he's going to be crying a lot to get his way in the future.

tabascosarah |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Here is an excellent article on co-sleeping! My son, 5 weeks old, starts out his night in his cradle by our bed, but when he wakes up to nurse he ends up in our bed for the rest of the night. I did the same thing with my daughter. A great book on getting baby to sleep is The No Cry Sleep Solution.

laceyrn02 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

On Becoming Baby Wise is a great book to help regulate baby's eating and sleep patterns. It also encourages babies to become independent and able to sleep on their own vs. dependency on props or mom and dad.

babyblueski |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I think if you decide to cosleep with your baby in your bed or in your room, you should do so with predetermined boundaries. Weaning certain habits can be really ugly and the best way to avoid issues is to set goals and truly keep them. I had my daughter in my room in a pack 'n' play for the first month. I said from day 1 that she'd stay there until exactly 1 month after her birthday. At that point she stayed in her crib in her own room and I kept the baby monitor in my room. We both slept better After that and at 11 weeks, she already sleeps for 8 hours almost every night. Set a date and stick to it and it will work out fine. Good luck!

yourfavritweap0n |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

We have 2 who co-sleep with us. We have a toddler bed next to our big bed for our 4 year old. He sleeps most, if not all, of the night in his bed. Baby is 13 months old and still sleeps with mama. When you co-sleep you must use your brain and do so safely. Do not co-sleep with formula fed babies. Do not co-sleep if you are obese or on medications or substances which alter your consciousness/awareness. Do not co-sleep if you smoke. No fluffy blankets and pillows. Keep the sheets down well below baby's face. Our bed is a mattress and box springs sitting on the floor, with a toddler bed right next to it. If baby rolls off she doesn't have far to go (a few inches). We used the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper (baby hardly ever slept in it though) for the first 6 months and or a bed rail. Research shows that co-sleeping of breastfeeding mom and baby actually PREVENTS SIDS. Mothers and babies co-sleep as the norm in many other countries. We have one of the highest rates of SIDS in the world! Breastfeeding mothers actually have an instict and biochemical attachment to their babies so that they are constantly aware of where there baby is. My husband gets elbowed sometimes when he gets to close to baby. I don't even know about it until he tells me the next day. A great resource is the book on co-sleeping Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping by Dr. James McKenna. Here's a link to an article by him: http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/rethinking.html As for how to get your baby to sleep on their own. Check out Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution" books on sleep or Dr. Sears books on "Nighttime Parenting" and baby & toddler sleep. Good luck. I know you will make the best decision and the one that is right for your family. Happy parenting! Remember..."This too shall pass."

peanutcm |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Frankly, I think pregnancy, especially late pregnancy, prepares a mom for co-sleeping. At least for me, it did. I always side slept and kept that up even after my first son was weaned. I just couldn't go back. My first son co-slept, my second son co-slept, and they are BOTH in their beds tonight and will sleep through the night just fine. In other words, they both transitioned well to their beds within the first year. It kept my milk supply up and kept away Aunt Flo...all very good things. Do we think that these things aren't related? I fully believe that we were created to nurse our babies (of course), but to have them next to us throughout the night. If you feel it's unsafe for you for whatever reason, by all means, separate yourself from your child. I actually check on my child MORE now that he's in his own crib than I did when he was next to me. That's a slight interruption in my life, but eventually I'll trust the situation. I fully agree with peanutcm that it's very natural to co-sleep and use those protective instincts, too. When it comes to this topic, I laugh now because I was one of those that was ADAMANTLY against co-sleeping. Afraid it would prevent relations with my husband. That changed quickly after having my first. Anyway, the intimacy thing... totally unnecessary worry; nobody is watching and it allowed us to actually be a little more creative. Certainly didn't affect quantity or quality.

bjnsmith |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I did not want to start off on the "wrong" foot by having my son sleep with us in our bed, but in the middle of the night after a feeding and when he won't go back to sleep, having him in our bed is so much easier. He is 3 weeks old and of course I want him in his crib but he seems to like our company and falls asleep quick when he's next to us.

natvo1983 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

It has worked great for my family. We co-slept for three months with both boys. After that, we transitioned to a mini crib in our room for 6 more months. It was a great experience for my family. But yes, be aware of pillows and blankets!

christinamikhail |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Before my 1st child, I always swore I'd never let the baby in bed with us. But then reality set in, and she turned out to be one of those that wakes up in her crib and freaks out because she's alone. When feeding, changing, and burping won't do, I have to lay her down next to me in bed for that skin-to-skin contact. Honestly, you're so scared of rolling over on her that you're more careful than you would imagine being. BUT sometimes I'm so exhausted at 5 AM that I almost drop off to sleep myself, and my husband takes her and puts her in the carseat that we keep on a table next to the bed. Then we put her in the actual crib later on. Sometimes I think that if we don't use the transition of the carseat next to me and just go from bed to crib, she hates it. So I feel that laying in bed next to her is unavoidable, but I do my best to stay awake, and if I can't and she won't sleep in the crib, the carseat next to the bed helps. But really, if they're going to stay in the bed with you, STAY AWAKE, because when you are exhausted, you can sleep through a tornado, including rolling over on your precious one.

trtgfc17 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

"Husband Says Kids Out Of The Bed" is a great article discussing this situation. You can read this article in a blogspot title list @ http://www.toddlerbedandmore.com/company_blog.html , under its title. Hope this helps!

Toddler101 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

MY son is 5 weeks old and he always starts the night in his bassinet next to my bed and I can sleep really well for a few hours. At about 3:00 a.m. He wakes up and I take him in my bed to nurse and then he either sleeps snuggled up to me or my husband for a few more hours and then wants to nurse again. I personally think it is the easiest and best way for me because my husband and I can have time to ourselves and then after nursing my baby falls asleep much faster then putting him back in his bassinet which helps me get a little more sleep. I think people need to figure out what works best for them AND the baby, no one way is the right or only way to do things. I wouldn't suggest having the baby sleep in bed with you if you or your partner have been drinking or are on any medication for sleeping.

KarolynnS1153 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I, too, was one of those moms who thought the idea of our child in bed with us was odd. But after seeing our DD fussing and not being able to rest in her bassinet (and us CONSTANTLY getting up to try and calm her) we started bring her to lay down and calm down with us for a bit. We were all MUCH happier and better rested! And it does make breastfeeding a lot easier. However, even though both my husband and I are fairly "still" sleepers (no kicking/moving around) we were worried abour having her in bed with us. Our solution was to take a countoured changing pad and put it on our mattress under our sheet. She has her own designated area and is right next to mom and dad! She is 5 weeks now, we will transition her to bassinet in our room by 4 months, and crib by 6 months.

AlisonMHylton |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My husband and I love sleeping with our 3 month old. There is nothing more sweet than waking up in the am and starting our day with all three of us in bed cuddling with our smiley babe!

sbirdy73 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My 2 month old gets swaddles at night and sleeps in his own bed but in the morning when he wakes up i will take his swaddle off and put him in bed with me when my fiance leaves for work is that a bad idea or should he be fine

sandrarose08 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I didn't know they don't recommend sleep sharing. It's an interesting point of view though. I didn't share the bed with my baby because I was too afraid not to hurt him while sleeping. Little children are very fragile! Well at least I had the whole Tempurpedic bed for myself.

LBurchell |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I don't believe in co-sleeping, my niece died that way so it's a big deal for us. We won't have our kids sleeping in our bed anytime soon.

wulfeyes05 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My 3 month son can fall asleep by himself and sleeps most of the time in his crib (which is a small portable crib in our room). When he wakes up in the middle of the night for a feeding my husband brings him to our bed (i sleep against the wall so i would have to climb over him to get baby and bring him back) and i feed him lying side by side. he usually falls asleep by the time he finishes feeding. If its before 3:30/4:00 I usually have my husband put him back in his crib. If its after then i just move him over and let him sleep in my bed for the last few hours of the night. Once he sleeps till 6:30 on a consistant basis we plan on moving him out of our room.

basbee317 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My daughter is 6 weeks and sleeps the best when she is in bed with my husband and me. The first night we were home from the hospital we tried her crib and she would not calm down so we put her in a swing in our room and she seemed to sleep fine. Then at about 4 weeks old we got an Arm's Reach co-sleeper and she would just fuss and fuss. It seems that when she lays on a flat surface she gets bad gas which wakes her up. We got a Fisher Price Snugabunny push sleeper which keeps her head elevated and it is next to my side of the bed. She will usually sleep for about 6 hours in there, then she wakes up for a feeding and I then keep her in bed with me until the next feeding. Sometimes when she is extremely fussy and colicy we will start her off in bed with us and those nights she sleeps about 8 hours. And my maternal instinct will not let me roll over on her no matter how tired I am.

limetango |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

You shouldn't worry about it. I was worried too about co-sleeping with my first baby. I was afraid not to harm him by mistake. Of course it didn't happen because I used to wake up every half an hour or so, that's how worried I was especially since he had some health issues. Thanks God it didn't take long for him to get better. He started to eat a lot and gained weight pretty fast, I was using different baby formulas to help him grow healthy!

TheodoraMorce |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

MBA online have provided some interesting answers to this question but i must say the best asnswers I've found have come the real parents of whose responses i have read on here, thanks for the knowledge!

Rman |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I co-slept with DD for the first 3 months. (DH works nights and it made it so much easier to have her with me.) I recently switched her to her crib in her room and the transition went smoothly.

dino24saur |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Our baby is 6 weeks old and while I was opposed to it in the beginning, we now co sleep. I was so terrified that I would roll over on him as I was a heavy sleeper, but now I am a very light sleeper. I don't move at all throughout the night so we are fine there. As to the SIDS rates being higher with co slept babies, I believe that to be blatantly false. There have been numerous studies done that say that countries and cultures that almost exclusively co sleep as the norm have almost non existent rates of SIDS. Deaths that are a result of co sleeping usually involve waterbeds (duh) or the baby getting stuck between the headboard and the mattress or being smothered, there are ways to take care of that. But SIDS rates are VERY low on co slept babies. Believe me, I researched the heck out of this (usually while DS is nursing) because the idea terrified me. I definitely slept better not jumping up out of bed a hundred times to check if he is breathing and nursing is 100 times better. I am concerned about weaning him from the bed, which I hope to start at 3 months, because as of now, he is NEVER happy unless he is in our arms, but we have to pick our battles.

Eufreeka |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

i believe SIDS has more to do with people being inexperienced, dumb, or just plain negligent. a lack of situational awareness can cause the death of a child at ANY age, not just in infancy.

Jocelbug |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My only input is my ex started our 6yrs old sleeping in our bed and when separated I didn't have the heart to make him sleep in his room. It also comforted me to have him close, BIG mistake! We could not see eye to eye and while I tried to transition him from my bed to his, my ex disagreed. Needless to say he was 4 by the time he was in his own bed. Unfortunately this was the case with many other subjects as well. My advise once you make a decision that you feel is best for everyone in the situation stick to it.

hsb1025 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I'm sorry. I usually never say anything less than supportive but I cannot let it go unsaid that July 7, 2004 I lost my lo co-sleeping and I did all the safest things I knew to do and still lost him. Please be careful - it's heart wrenching to go through. He was so beautiful, healthy and strong - and now gone. They also do not write anything as pc as "SIDS" on the death certificate. They actually write the word "asphyxia" and let me tell you that is really tough to live with. We have had two more lo's since our loss and now use a bassinet by our bed for the beginning then a crib in the corner of our room until night wakes to nurse are past...

MoMamaOf5 |

cosleeping-with-baby

One problem with shared sleeping is going from warm body to cool bassinet/crib. I have a memory foam pillow that I used to prop up my belly during pregnancy... It helps the baby sleep so it's his now. So if I want my bed I prop him on the pillow to feed and when he falls asleep I move the pillow with him on it to his bed so the warmth and my smell stays with him.

Msladysj |

cosleeping-with-baby

Like my previous post I co-sleep with my baby on a pillow, he's five weeks old. I also did this with my first son who is twelve - no pillow. I read some of your posts and I think some people need to be a bit more sensitive about SIDS. I don't know what it's like to lose a child and hope to never know. I have a cousin who recently lost her baby to SIDS during co-sleeping. So my heart goes out to all of you who have. But fellow mothers, to co sleep is a choice but just remember the risk is there. If you post share advice and don't critical and rude with what you say.

Msladysj |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My baby slept with me all night till he was about 7 weeks old. For about one more month he would start in his bassinet and come to our bed when he woke up to eat. He now sleeps all night in his crib and will occasionally nap with me or his daddy in our bed. When we first started cosleeping, I would prop myself up with pillows and he would sleep on my chest. Now he'll sleep on his back next to us (we'll be on our side).

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Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

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mic1122 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Please remember that smothering or suffocation is not SIDS. There is a difference. Depending on who did the study you will be able to find research proving SIDS risk is higher with crib sleeping and then find another study that proves SIDS is higher with co-slepping. Do what you are comfortable with. I have co-slept with all three of my babies, starting all night at birth and moving them to a cradle next to the bed for longer sleep stretches as they grow. I have moved them all to their own rooms by the time were one with no real issues. For those that worry about having a six year old in bed with you, keep in mind that most babies cry it out in 3 to 5 days and then they adjust to the new situation.

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Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

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Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

People need to research. The American Academy of Pediatrics is known to be biased and does not provide adequate scientific evidence against co-sleeping. Where they lost credit with me personally (the academic loss of credit was for another reason) is it was recommended to put baby in a crib or bassinet. There are no safety standards for bassinets, that topic is currently in legislation. If you are interested in co-sleeping and would like to research it, visit http://cosleeping.nd.edu/ It provides all the research past and on going at the sleep institute at the University of Notre Dame. I am not insensitive about SIDS but SIDS is a blanket answer and is only recently being scientifically re-evaluated to determine exactly what SIDS is and what causes it. In my opinion, I was against co-sleeping but after needing to do extensive research for my degree, I have been changed. Find your scientific evidence FOR and AGAINST and evaluate your sources, they may be biased or demonstrate gaps in reasoning or evidence. It is your choice but it is your responsibility to make an accurately informed decision.

darkwolf423 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

Just gonna throw in my two cents here: bed-sharing is not for everyone, but can definitely be done safely. I think you have to be aware of your own sleeping habits--are you a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? Do you move around a lot in your sleep or do you generally stay still? What about your partner's sleep habits? (For example, I'm a light sleeper but my husband is definitely NOT, so having a very little one in our bed doesn't work for us; instead I share a futon with our 5 week old in the living room.) All this has to be taken into consideration. Dr. Sears' website has some good info on how to do it as safely as possible, too. I'm sure there are other great sources for such info, it's just Dr. Sears' website is the one I happen to have seen.

claripossum |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I work full time and also go to school full time. My husband also works two jobs, so sleep sharing has been a life saver for us. It allows for us to spend the time that we miss with our boy. Our baby loves the fact that we share a bed. He lays there and looks back and forth between us and just laughs. It really makes my day since I hardly get to see the little guy. My only issue is when I graduate in the next few weeks I plan to move him to his crib and I hope the transition is not too hard on him. I do not mind getting up multiple times to reassure him but I just hope he will be ok.

erinanne12 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I really want the co-sleeping idea but after hearing the SIDS, I got scared so we got a crib and put the baby their but near the side of the bed. gw2 gold

jen2945 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

I find it a bit odd that the AAP says close proximity reduces SIDS, yet sleeping in the same bed increases the risk. That's an oxymoron, as you can't get any closer than the same bed! Not only that, rolling on your baby, suffocating them, or the like, are NOT the same as SIDS. SIDS is unexplained... laying in your bed is not going to cause SIDS, it may get them squished or suffocated, but that isn't the same thing.

rpcvaz27 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

My daughter has been a heavy sleeper since the day she was born, but she slept with me for about the first six months & then moved to her own crib. I had to spend a half-hour or so soothing her to sleep while she laid in the crib for the first couple of weeks, but she does fine now. I find a nice big dinner and a vigorous avoidance of being anywhere near the T.V. helps.

LadyGray86 |

Q&A: Co-sleeping with baby?

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