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Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

My husband and I are talking about starting a family, but we're disagreeing on some issues. We have such different thoughts on when to start trying, how big our family should be, and so on. How can we work things out?

Re: My husband and I are talking about starting a family, but we're disagreeing on some issues. We have such different thoughts on when to start trying, how big our family should be, and so on. How can we work things out?

The Bump Expert

No matter what the disagreement is about, these four basic rules will help you cope. And remember -- the conflict resolution and compromise you're practicing now will be even more important once baby comes. Treat these discussions as learning opportunities!

No pressure or guilt trips
Rather than attempt to wear down your partner with endless appeals (never works), try to accept his different opinion, then revisit the topic once you've both had time to consider compromises. Remember, marriage is already a huge change. Give your spouse a chance to breathe before pushing another on him.

Be open and honest
This means no "forgetting" the birth control. Tricking him into such a major, life-changing undertaking is a manipulation that will put a sour note on your entire marriage and parenting partnership. Your spouse should welcome your child, not resent you for having it.

Get help
If the disagreement seems insurmountable or is affecting other areas of your marriage, there's no shame in meeting with a marriage counselor. Sometimes, it takes a third party to work through the issues and find an acceptable solution.

Focus on what's important now, and let the other stuff go. So you can't agree on whether to have two or three kids... think maybe that can wait until after the first one comes? Chances are, it'll make you both rethink how you feel about further additions to the family. Start with your first baby, and take the rest as it comes.

The Bump Editors

re: Q: TTC Disagreements?

My Problem is when we got married I wanted to have children. Now I don't want children. Help

Justmeggie |

re: Q: TTC Disagreements?

how important is this to your husband to have kids?

jess617 |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

I had that same problem! I always wanted kids until I got married and then I changed my mind and decided I didn't. My poor husband has wanted kids all along! Well, since then I have changed my mind again and we are TTC. I think the reason I didn't want to TTC is because I was mad at his family for being so against us having a baby, in turn it made me bitter to the point I never wanted kids. I have decided that his family is just REALLY mean. Jerks. |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

My husband and I are having disagreements about when to start TTC.... he doesnt want any kids right now and I do, I am realizing that somedays he does want to start trying and some days he doesn't.... We have 4 sons together I have 3 from a previous marrage and he has 1 from his previous marriage and we have custody of all 4 boys. He has already picked out names for when we do start trying and i absolutely love the names he has picked out. I want one more child with him... but I dont want him to be angry by tricking him, at the same time i think he is the type of guy who would be happy if it just happened... any advice on how to approach this subject with him?

FairieMom |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

My partner and I ahve been together, on and off for over 10 years. I never wanted children and he did not want any more children (he has 2 girls from a previous marriage). Now that I'm about to turn 40, I want a child of my own. He's not happy about my change of heart on the subject, but will support my decision either way. He's been on and off hte fence regarding having a baby. I've made sure that I've kept him fully informed on the events related to my trying to conceive (with a donor sperm or with his). He is fully informed. So, he can never say he was trapped or coerced.

Sheron720 |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

I would never do anything w/o enthusiastic agreement from your partner/spouse, no matter how much they promise to support you. I was all for starting a family after 5 years of being married to my hubby. After him being in school full time, with all 3 of our boys, now our eldest is 4 1/2, and our youngest is 2 months old. I have worked full time w/all three, before & after, and let me tell you, I do not recommend parenting for the faint of heart. You both need to define what your ideals are of parenting, and set clear limits/boundaries & decide ahead of time who is going to do what. If I would've known I would be a single parent that was married for nearly 5 years, I believe I would have reconsidered his offer! Even now, we have issues, because of what he thinks it means to be "present" with your family. It is still a battle & still difficult. Oh yeah, did I mention he wants more children too?

LydeeC |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

My husband and I are going through some of these similar feelings. I don't know how either of you stand on the issue, but space is a great thing. Bring up the issue, express your feelings let them express any feelings they may have, and then let then let the other person have some space to think about it on their own. It is a huge decision, and one that we need time to think about independently as well as talk about as a couple. Good luck, hope this helped.


Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

We are in the same boat with a slightly different issue. We had a miscarriage in April 2011 and we decided to try again right away when the doctor gave us the "ok". Now he changed his mind. I am beyond hurt on so many levels. I listened to his reasons on the waiting game and I still disagree with him but what can I do? You can force them into it or they will resent you and marriage is about compromise but this is just not fair : (

bossyferg |

Q&A: Handling pregnancy and baby disagreements?

If its an argument over how many, I like the idea of having one and then after raising that child for a couple years, revisiting the question. I have one LO and DH has LO with myself and two children from another relationship. I want two more children but he only wants one more. You never really know exactly what you will be doing in a few years so revisit the question at a later time.

LiebeMama |