baby registry

need to buy a gift?

Find baby registries (at top retailers!) and websites with one easy search.

you asked...

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

What are important things to consider when my spouse and I discuss whether we're ready for a baby?

Re: What are important things to consider when my spouse and I discuss whether we're ready for a baby?

The Bump Expert

This discussion is definitely a good idea. The following questions should help get the conversation started... and yes, there's a little more to talk about than where you'll start trying.

[ ] How many kids do we envision having?

[ ] How old is too old to have a baby? And how old is too old to have kids in the house?

[ ] If we got pregnant next month, what would we think? Yay? Yikes??

[ ] Are there things we desperately want to do or accomplish before becoming a trio?

[ ] Who's the first person we'd tell?

[ ] What lifestyle changes will we need to make when we become parents?

[ ] Do daddies (or mommies) do diapers?

[ ] Who's going to take care of the kids?

[ ] What's our response when people ask about baby plans?

The Bump Editors

re: Q: The Baby Conversation?

This is definately a great "checklist"- also something I highly reccomend covering before getting married! And for the newly-weds... pay special attention to the last item- "What's our response when ppl ask, because they will ask- constantly!!!!!

Mrs.NicoleBishop |

re: Q: The Baby Conversation?

My husband and I have been going back and forth on this for weeks now. He says he wants one, but we are not financially ready, and I keep telling him that we will never be financially "ready" and due to my potential problems conceiving I don't want to wait much longer because I am afraid I will miss the chance. He says emotionally he is ready and excited, but its just the money thing. We don't own our own home yet, and I admit, there are alot of things we pay and we live on a tight budget, but I know so many people that have children when their finances are not perfect and it works out. Am I crazy for wanting a kid?

swtkty217 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

hey swtkty217 we sound like we are in the same boat. we do not live in a house and are on a tight budget and we are now in to month 5 ttc :( i always imagined waiting until we had at least a little more money but with the way the world is now its still not a promise... a good friend of mine just had a baby, they were very well off and 2 months later her husband lost his job. so even if your in a good place that doesnt mean it will stay that way. we just decided that we were tired of waiting and it was time. i think that when it happens we will make it work and it will all be worth it. so no i dont think your crazy at all!!

jewel97 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

i think the most important aspect of discussing having a baby is whether or not YOU think you're ready. you can only speak for yourself, and your spouse is the same way. if one of you feels unprepared, don't do it.

jackuhlin |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I agree that you are never financially "ready". You could always decide you want to spend money on this or that which will get in the way of affording a baby. If you both feel otherwise ready, I say go for it. My husband and I own our home, but he is still finishing his phd, and I am a teacher, so... money isn't exactly falling from the sky, but I'm just about 19 weeks pregnant right now, and we couldn't be happier. Hit up the yard sales and/or friends with older kids and you can save on a lot of the gear you need.

*abbyh* |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My husband tells me lately each night he is ready for me to be pregnant, but it keeps on coming up about money. I tell him we don't have to be financially stable, that noone is ever really stable financially. We are both ready, but he tends to not budge about the money situation. I have been off bc since May and I am still not ovulating like I am supposed to, but I am fertile. I don't know if there is a problem. My husband tells me if it happens it happens. It is 1 year of marriage for me and I have been ready for children well before than.

elizabeth.ory |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Kids can be expensive but you don't NEED everything they sell out there for babies. If you nurse, you'll save a ton of money on formula. Diapers you can buy in bulk. Clothes and toys can be hand-me-downs and craigslist. If you really want the baby, go for it and be willing to compromise and make sacrifices. Its so worth it.

orti7483 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My husband and I have been together for 4 years and now married for only one month. We have always talked about having a family since we started dating and now that we are married, I have had baby fever like crazy! We have talked about it and we would both be elated to find out I was pregnant but the money issue is the main concern. I have a career that I love and he is working full time and finishing school (he'll be done in a year) I'd love to get preganant at any time but he is concerned that he can't yet provide. I am off bc now but will start again this month. I'm kind of bummed about it because then I definately can't get pregnant. though I think it is important for both parties to be ready so I think we will hold off until we Both have jobs we feel secure in.

mrsowen |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

If the only real problem your husband has about having a baby is finances, then I would suggest discussing his ideal financial situation and then discussing how you could make your current budget work with a baby. There are usually many sacrifices you can make and cheaper baby products that other people mentioned. The bottom line is what are you willing to sacrifice. Having a baby can be stressful, so you have to decide if you are both willing to handle making sacrifices and whether or not it's worth it! It is to us :)

Sandy281 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

elizabeth- i can relate to your story...it's alittle different b/c my fiace has been ready for 2 years(i'm 20 he's 26) so i finally gave in an we stared trying in may of 08 no matter what we tried nothing worked...i was beginning to think one of us had fertility issues. then we stopped trying in nov. for various reasons and what would you know i took a pregnancy test feb.20th and i was pregnant..so my advice put it out if your mind accept that if it is meant to be it will happen and chances are when you least expect it it WILL happen...Good Luck!

chrisandbritt24 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Have your own place. How is the income? Can we support a baby? Are we really ready for such a big change? Are you married, do he see's a future with you? How do he acts around other children? Is he responsible and stable? When the baby comes, will y'all share the baby responsiblities?

diandrea |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I feel like society has become so dominating in the fact that it can make women feel bad for even thinking about having a baby if they or their spouse is not financially ready or if the woman is a certain age. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 3 months. We grew up in the same neighborhood, attended the same schools, and continued our high school sweetheart relationship throughout college and graduate school. I am 24 years old and I feel like I get "heat" from others who often say "oh you have plenty of time to get pregnant, don't rush" or "you just got married". Well, my husband and I have been together all of our lives...and we are ready...but he also worries about fiances and so people say "oh wait until you are financially settled". I say when will that be???? We might not be financially settled until we are in our 50s due to college loans.... I love my career and I feel like next summer should be our time to begin TTC...I am just so bummed about the guilt trip I often get about age and years of marriage...also about fiances and howwe could make it work...if it is meant to be it will be i guess:)

msdc |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

No kidding msdc! Some people are very judgmental about what others do in their lives: buying this house or that, moving here, having a baby already? Having another baby? I've done a lot of things people have questioned (living abroad, changing careers). Some of my family and friends talked negatively about it but really, no one will live your life but you. In my experience, ignoring the criticism helps - they will come onside and probably turn into great supports when they see it working well! Then they may even be jealous you took the risk! Good luck with whatever you two decide - really, creating your family is everything - a job or a certain style of home can never compare to the joy of a child.

kathynono |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Thanks so much kathynono!!!! I just feel like my husband and I have been catching heat lately from close friends and family members about life choices that only him and I can make!! Thanks so much for understanding!!

msdc |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I'm in a similar situation right now. My husband and I began dating almost 8 years ago and finally tied the knot last November. While we both are still considered young (both of us are 25) I'm in the place in my life where I'm ready for children and I'm very anxious to start trying to get pregnant. My husband has always said he wants a big family but wants to wait until we're more financially stable. He's also mentioned he's just really nervous about becoming a parent and while I try to sympathize I'm constantly frustrated that there is nothing I can do to make him see otherwise about both money and nerves. He just says one day it will hit him and he'll want to try for children. I'm not looking for ways to con him into trying for children but I am looking for ways for him to see that everything is going to be alright and that there is nothing to worry about. Money and timing has never been a problem for us so I don't know what to do to get him to see otherwise. Any tips on how I can help my husband get passed the insecurity he seems to be having?

s201340 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

About a month ago my partner agreed to start TTC after a year of me wanting to give my 6 year old a sibling. Well a few nights ago he asked me to go back on birth control because he changed his mind. Men are so fickle!! And now I might be pregnant and I feel as if he is going to resent me for it.

blueberrymuffin64 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

For the early twenty-somethings TTC; there is no such thing as job security and financial stability. Something always comes up, be it a big expense or a change of job. Remember that. If you and your Hubby have talked about it and are both ready to have a baby then do it. People have kids on a lot less that what you have and they make it work. Families are also a great support net, its amazing to see who comes through for you in a time of need. That said, for those who's hubby may not be quite there, get a dog (or a pet)! Not only will this help you transition into a lifestyle where you and him are not the only people who matter but it will also get you used to hearing and using the terms 'mommy' and 'daddy' with each other. Some guys need some guidance without being pushed. My DH and I have only been married for 3 months and our friends are taking bets on us having a kid within our first year of marriage...hearing that made us want to challenge them and hold off. We adopted a puppy last month and baby talk is all the rage between us. If it happens, it happens! We are certainly adjusting our busy lifestyles.

jomama9 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I agree jomam9!!! I think that there are so many people out there having kids everyday that may have a lot less that what we may have and they make it work. I think men change their minds like the wind sometimes and they are not for sure what they want; especially when it comes to kids. I think they have to be pushed as well and the topic of having kids must come up often for them to get accustomed to it. Men must realize that it is not that easy for a woman who wants to have kids to change her mind overnight and just say nevermind. It has to be some compromise and some type of mutual agreement.

msdc |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Me and my husband are young- We're both only 21. But I've never ben happier, even though we are broke. We want to be young enough to really enjoy our kids and have the energy to keep up with them. We are talking about maybe trying late summer of 2010. I'll be 23 when the baby gets here. I think that is old enough. My mom had her 3rd kid (me) at 21 and we all grew up fine. We won't be rich, but I don't think we'll ever be anyway. Me and my husband want a baby so bad. We are getting out of debt and saving money first- to make things a little easier. Everyone is telling us to wait and that we are too young- but it's not their decision.

TyJen |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I agree with you TyJen "Everyone is telling us to wait and that we are too young- but it's not their decision." Me and my partner feel so ready for a baby, I'm Just terrified that my mother wont talk to me anymore!

bubbletummy |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I'm having the problem where my younger sister has been married for three years and ttc for two years and now knows she can't have kids. My mom is so bent on me graduating from school next year that she was upset when I got married 4 months. My husband and I are talking about having kids and aren't on BC but I'm afraid that both my mom and sister won't talk to me or have anything with my pregnancy because they are so upset. How do I deal with that???

sarahcornwell |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Bubbletummy, I am totally on your boat!!! I'm 21 and my husband is 25, and I think that if I get pregnant my parents will hate me, because I still have 1 1/2 years in my grad school degree left!! Which sucks because we want a baby now! I'll admit I'm a little scared because it'll be a lot of change, and I know when it comes down to it, my mom will always help me, and even though I love my MIL, I think for most things I'd still ask my mom for help first...

ETyorkin |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

You need to discuss what happen after having the baby!! Give situations of what could happen and compare answers. Examples: What if I don't or do go back to work? What if the baby has special needs and extra care? Will you come home from work and expect dinner to be ready after having a baby? How involved do you think you should be? Can you say goodbye to going out all the time? Or say goodbye to your non-child friends? Can you work together? (Honestly, work together in a kitchen and make a big dinner, like thanksgiving, if you can survive that you might be ok) Remember a baby grows up into a child.

Laura |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

It's super easy to get caught up in baby fever - and my body right now seems to be screaming "procreate!" But I want to feel ready for more than just a couple months before we make that decision. We plan to TTC once I get closer to finishing my MBA, so that we won't have the baby until after that (provided that my husband can support us - he is still in school as well). I think those of you who have "baby fever" should give it a little time because that feeling can come and go. I'm 25 and I often feel like I'm starting to get old and afraid of waiting much longer - but that's not a reason to rush into it if we're not ready. Anyway, I personally think it's important to spend a couple years just enjoying eachother before rushing into the baby making.

milwaukeej |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I have been broody for what seems like forever! I'm 26. We have been together for nearly 8 years and will be getting married in March. I have recently finished grad school, and frankly after putting off getting pregnant for so long due to school commitments and family pressure etc, I'm not sure I can wait until after we get married! I want a baby now! There are so many different reasons to put off having a baby, it seems that logically there is never a right time. I am taking my vitamins and we plan on trying after christmas! Hurrah!

Jessabell2 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

This is going to come off as weird, and I hope someone understand, but my husband and I started reading about a lot of mom's who share our spiritual beliefs who have given up birth control altogether in any form (gasp now!) and how happy they were with their decision, so my husband and I just gave up trying to control it. I was pregnant within a few weeks, and honestly I've never felt better. We all know how precious life is (ask anyone who has experienced loss), and I personally feel so much better leaving the tough decisions about how and when up to God. I hope you don't think I was preaching. I just wanted to share my experience. Bless you all.

HamNCheeze |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Hi I'm 26 and just got married not even a month ago! I have a 7 year old son already and am really wanting to have another baby. I feel like waiting longer will make things harder for my son to be of age to play with his future siblings. My husband wants to wait a year before trying. Now it seems that when he talks about the future that having a baby seems to be pushed back farther and farther. I feel like I can't keep waiting for this. To me family is what I want my life to revolve around. I don't want to have children into my 30's (NO offense meant to anyone older please don't take it that way) My parents were well into their mid 30's when myself and my siblings were born. And I can tell you that I didn't really have any real "play time" with them. I don't want to be older like my parents and not have the energy to play with my kids. And I want my son to know his siblings and vise versa with him before he is of age to move out of our house. I know their are a lot of people that have much older siblings and they still have a great relationship. But I also know that there are a lot of people that have older siblings and they have vertually no relationship with them, this is what I am afraid of!! My son will be at least 9 before we have another baby :( Is there anyone with any advice for me? I don't want to be selfish but I don't want the one thing I have wanted for so long to be the last thing that we do either. My husband says that he wants to be financially ready. But is anyone ever really ready?! You can only plan so much in life and then you just have to let life happen on it's own!

Sarah Brenner |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My parents were 40 when I was born, afterward didn't try and get pregnant again (so I am an only child). All my life I have been saying that I did not want that for my children. I am 26 now, and while I am not quite at the point that I want children right now, I do feel like I want to be at that point within the next couple of years. On the other hand, my husband (also 26), is the the oldest of 4 kids, and was born when his parents were 20. My parents are the same age as his grandparents! So here we are.....kinda ready. But one set of parents can't understand why we are waiting, while the other set think we are crazy for even considering it. My mom has always said that she waited until she knew that she would be financially able to put me through college. I feel so priveledged that she did that for me....so how can I tell her that I may never be financially stable enough to do that, and that her choices may not be the right ones for my husband and I?

Michelle |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I totally understand what ur saying, HamNCheeze! We try to plan so much of our lives, but its nice to let some things rest beyond our control. My husband and i have only been married for 5 months and i'm 12 weeks already. We talked about it quite a bit and decided not to use birth control. My mom wanted us to wait longer, but we are so glad we didnt! i thought a lot of people were going to be upset b/c i'm only 20 and i'm in my last year of college, but the people i expected to get the most lectures from have given me the most support. lots of people probably think we're crazy for not waiting longer, but we know that we are ready. Everything might not be exactly the way we want it to be, but honestly, there's still plenty of time to get things in order. its amazing the lifestyle changes we've made already.

mommy510 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Finances aren't always necessary. I started off as a single mother with an unplanned (obviously) pregnancy at 19 and my finances worked out fine. Depending on your income level, many states even offer help for those with infants. Trust me, with a loving family and great friends to help and support your growing family (married or single), there is always some one willing to give. My soon to be sister-in-law and I swap clothes between our kids all of the time and if one of us needs something the other may have we are always there to help each other out. Making friends with others with children is another great way to help out when money gets tight and you need clothes for your baby for winter. There is always someone willing to give you some hand me downs!

ndurgin |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I dated my now husband for 8 years before being married at 22, it does feel like you've been together a lifetime already when you finally move in together. We waited a year before trying due to my husbands nerves about being steady, and financially prepared and then finally concieved after 5-6 months of trying. My baby Luke was born just 2 months before my 3rd wedding anniversary and it was perfect. My husband and I had time spent together before the chaos of family life, which I would've had baby on honeymoon but he wasn't sure yet, waiting until we both agreed was good b/c he was very happy when we found out and was ready. Finances were and are still challenging but you can never prepare for lifes ups or downs totally, so when you can see yourself giving up your life (personal time etc..)to put a little blessing first then you're ready and everything else will work itself out. Like the other's said the support you'll get will be in mass amounts and though it does "take a village" to raise a child it doens't take millions of dollars either, kids just want to be loved and when you hold that baby and see that smile knowing you are their world it's worth everything. I am so in love my husband that I still consider myself a newlywed after 12 years together and almost 4 married and puppy thats 2 years and my 9 month old Luke and all of this at a young 26 years of age. You will make it work, trust me.

Kabe |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My soon to be husband and I had this talk a while back. I noticed that many people brought up financial problems that occur with babies. We know that we definitely want to have a baby though. We are aiming for about three years from now. By then we should have most of our debts paid off, are doing a really low budget wedding and have decided to start collecting items that we will need for children now. So we will be paying for things as we can afford to rather than trying to fit everything into that year. On sites like craigslist and a community recycle site my roommate showed us there are tons of baby furniture and clothing being sold cheap or being given away. Focusing on things like this will make having a baby when we are ready a lot easier on everyone.

Becca Bear |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

It is interesting to me that many of these posts focus on having a kid now regardless of finances just because you want one. I understand that unless you're Britney Spears it's probably impossible to be 100% financially prepared for a kid, but I'm very concerned about the lifestyle I will be bringing my future child into - do we have savings in case one of us loses our job? Am I going to have to choose between feeding my kid and taking him/her to the doctor? Is one of us going to have to work more than one job to provide necessities for our child? I agree that it doesn't take millions of dollars to raise a kid, but finances are an important factor that can drastically impact a child's quality of life - it doesn't matter if you give your baby tons of love if he has to go to bed hungry or sick because mom and dad are broke, or if he never sees dad because he's working two jobs to put food on the table. My parents planned everything before having me, and I not only got all the love and care I needed, but could enjoy my childhood without having to worry about where my next meal was coming from. I also had the privilege of graduating college and grad school without a dollar in student loans. My fiance's family had a harder time financially while he was growing up, which put more stress on him as a kid having to worry about financial stuff at a young age, and he also has thousands in student loans. Not trying to judge, but for me the focal point is reaching a happy medium between how long I can stand to wait to have a child and what's best for my kids, even if it means waiting a little longer than I expected.

htayl829 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

To all you ladies who are "young", still in school, etc.: I was in your boat a year or two ago when I was finishing my PT degree. Several of my male classmates had children/pregnant wives and I caught baby fever badly. I recently graduated, got my job, and I'm 25. My husband (of 3 years, together for 10) is now 29 and had been working/out of college for years before we got married. He was the only sane one out of the two of us. He kept me in check: House, degree, job, then kids. I am so grateful to have had someone a bit older than me with a little more insight to slow me down and let me finish becoming an adult. He is the rational one, I am the emotional one. We are now both stable in our relationship and finances (except for my horrendous student loans), and almost like a sigh of relief, we have decided to TTC after a trip to Jamaica in January 2010. Now we have nothing standing in our way but ourselves. Waiting gave us time to travel (a little), spend weekend getaways together, party our asses off, and celebrate many of our friends' weddings together. Getting a dog definitely helped to tie us over...and we trained him so well that I am even more confident that we will be great parents. So young ladies, you will have baby fever. It's a fact of life. But try to step out of yourself and out of the moment and look at your situation from an outside perspective. It might just make it even more special when you finally are pregnant (and ready for it!).

nslamie |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Heres my story. I was 18 and got pregnant. Had no job, was living with my parents, and the father wasnt in the pic. I was definitly not finacially stable as you can tell. But I made it through with lots of help from total strangers. I am now 25, married and on baby 4. am I finacially there No, but I have wonderful friends and family that have helped through everthing. You want a baby, Have your baby. cause you will be fine

karenCB |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Thank you htayl829 and nslamie! Finally some rationality on this thread! I agree with both of you. Baby fever comes and goes. Please WAIT until it's a good and sensical time. Don't be selfish; think about the best interest of the child you'll be bringing into the world.

AbbeyRoad77 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

It's hard to say what the most important thing was. I'm 28 and DH is 34. We are in a unique situation. I've been unemployed since Feb of this year. Job prospects are just no where to be found in my field here in FL and probably won't be until 3rd quarter of next year. We're doing just fine on one income though 2 is obviously better. We always knew we wanted a family but thought we would wait until 2012 to start trying. (Just part of our 5 year plan, is all). I'm frustrated with being stagnant and feel as though I need to be in school (got an MBA, check), working on my career (hard to do without a job) or raising my family. Basically, I could spend my entire pregnancy collecting unemployment and resting. I've got some medical issues that could force me to be on bed rest as early as 6 months pregnant. I can't think of a better time physically for me to be growing our baby. So where does that leave us? Basically doing a life check. Have we had enough time together, just us? Is his job stable enough to allow him to let go of the stress of being the sole financial provider? Can we financially handle a baby? In the financial aspect, we took a close look at what our budget is with one income and tried to drastically over estimate. We're still fine. Also, we're getting Aflac's hosptial and personal sickness plans. Financially, the medical outlay is going to be the worst part for us. Potentially $5k in out of pocket cost. With the insurance, we have to wait 10 months before the baby is born. We will be TTC in Feb 2010.

MrsTechie |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

my husband and i just got married in june '09 and dated for 2 1/2 years before that. we're both 26. my dream is to own a boutique, which i am pursuing. my husband is living his dream as a chef and, whithin the next year, is expecting a significant step up in the high scale restaurant where he works. we just bought a house which has a basement apt. we live in the basement (as it's cheap 'cause our upstairs tenant pays 85% of the mortgage. our relationship is great except that ii feel so conflicted. i have baby fever BAD. i haven't built up th courage to tell my hub yet. i think a huge reason for my restraint is becasue of my own feelings of guilt. i have never wanted anything more than to own a boutique. though i am making strides towards this goal, i know that having a baby right now would make it more difficult to achieve it. i think i'm affraid of holding myself back. also, my husband. when people ask when we will have kids, he keeps telling them in about 3-4 years! WTF! no way! i told him that i'd like to start trying in a year or so. it later came out that he feels that he's not going to have a say in this decision. i don't want to force him and that may be another reason why i haven't discussed this thoroughly with him. i'm also worried about how my parents will judge us getting pregnant so soon after marriage. they waited 14 years to have me. i feel that i'm too close to the situation to see things clearly. i want a baby so badly that it's really tough for me to see anything else!

claireygirl |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My husband and I have discussed children and we both want one, I feel ready to deal with the demands of parenthood, and I can not wait to TTC. Also, I know we will never be "financially ready" (psst: I don't think there is such a thing)--we have steady jobs (and steady bills). However, My husband is afraid of all kinds of things; like being a bad dad. (I have seen this man with babies; they tire of him before he tires of them). So, anyway I think you just need to decide that you are ready for it; both of you, ready for sacrificing time, friends w/o kids, and extra moola, possibly careers--if you don't like your job--put that under the "Pros" column for "Reasons to have a Baby" LOL JK

BrideBritt88 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I am engaged to be married in October; obviously, I'm not married and I don't have that wisdom to share, but my fiance and I have been together for nearly 4 years, and the "kids" questions came up as early as we began realizing that this was something we were both in for good. I understand the need for financial stability, and I understand the need to be able to provide for your family.. Kids are expensive! But, also consider yourself. Children turn your life upside-down. Many of my friends are starting to have children and I am loving being an "aunt," but I have realized that I have my own goals and "to-do's" to check off my list before taking on the responsibilities of being a parent. I want to establish a career for myself, not just for the financial aspects, but because I've spent all of this time in school getting my degrees... I don't want to just put all of that hard work on hold! The same goes for my fiance; we're both very driven people, and while we can't wait to be parents, we will wait..... Also, there's something to be said for having a marriage before you have kids. Like I said, we've been together for nearly 4 years, and we live together and have been sharing our lives for the last two; but marriage is a whole other life and it deserves to be cherished as a step towards a family. It takes a strong marriage to build a strong family! Believe me, there is always a little baby fever, and there's always going to be pressure to start having a family, but be realistic about where you are both at, and set realistic goals. Then, when the baby comes, you'll be all that more settled and ready to be the best possible parent to that beautiful child!

kylieroseagard |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

DH and I have been together since I was 18 and just got married last year. I turn 25 next month; he'll be 27 in the fall. I'm pretty securely set in my career and he's got a decent job that he's hoping to parlay into his ideal job (he just applied for it, actually). We just bought a house and relocated to a lovely, LCOL area. All of that puts us in a fantastic position to put a hefty chunk of change from our tax return this year to start our baby fund. So, we plan to start TTC this summer. For us, it worked out really well. If we had stayed in our previous area (just outside DC), we would be taking different steps. It's one thing to say "buy a house, do this, do that and THEN have kids," but in lots of larger cities, it's just not always possible to avoid living in a shared living space like an apartment building even if a couple is still financially ready and stable enough to support a child -- we would have been able to do it within the next three years in DC, but it would be a great deal longer before we would have been able to buy a house. That said, I can't imagine trying to bring a child into the world knowing that at some point we might have to rely on the kindness of friends and family to make ends meet. There can be a happy medium between "we know we're financially ready" and "we know we're not ready but we're going to do it anyway," but it just takes some time and fidgeting to find it. I think the checklist is a great place to start this discussion.

The_Quiet_One |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

The hardest part about being ready or not is agreeing to it. Guys can come up with all sorts of reasons NOT to have a baby. Let's face it: they love our attention! My husband is two years younger than I am and that has been our biggest problem. Out loud I agree with him that I just want to be married to him for a while and let us enjoy each other but secretly I want a baby sooner rather than later! We are in an in between place with our friends because many of them are new parents and are necessarily changing their lifestyles which often don't include us. It's not that I never see the new mom's in my life, but they are naturally unavailable for impromptu errand days and girl's nights. I think that's been my biggest struggle is that I so look forward to being able to relate to my favorite people again but I know it's not the right time for us.

amandajean8514 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My fiance and I both want children. He doesn't want to have them now becuase he's worried about his work being so unsteady... and says we can't afford one yet, and while I agree with him to some extent, I don't think anyone is ever able to "afford" to have a child until they have one. Then all of the sudden priorities change and it all works out. I keep hoping that I'll "accidentally" end up pregnant, i know thats horrible, but I've always wanted kids, and after being a step mom, its hard to be patient.

DCMcQueen |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My Husband and I have been together for close to 8 years and married for alittle over 6 months now. We just decided two weeks ago that we are going to start TTC in this march or april, though we don't have a house yet, we just down sized to a smaller appartment, where we are saving money. This was not my ultimate goal, I wnated a house, but everyone has to make some sacrifices. These questions on the post helped us in making our decision. DH has been on the fence about having kids since we have been married, one day he wanted to have them and the next he wanted to wait. We had a surprise this past november, I felt that I might be pregnant, I was a week and a half late, so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, he and I were shocked, unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I have gotten over it since then, and we have been very careful since. Since we moved, we are in a better situation, and I have had baby on the brain , and now he does too and we both can't wait till we get prego! Some advice from my doctor at my check up last week, was to start the prenatal vitamins now so i can get used to them. I am glad that he gave them to me, because they make you nauscious, and your body must get used to them, I couldn't imagine starting these when you are already prego and nascious its like a double whammy!

JenNAnt879 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Sounds like this is more common than I had though. My Husband and I have been married for 7 months but together for nearly 4 years. I want a fam so badly, its all I want. My Husband just got a job and wants to open his own store which is expensive. but its not about money for him, he doesnt want to be an absent father, always at work, and I dont want him to be. I think the timing is perfect because I work from home full time, and we are not even close to opening a business. if we wait the 2 more years to TTC which will put us at the 3 years married mark, he will just be opening his store, I think that would be much worse. If we wait until he opens the store then he will miss the babys firsts, at least thats what Im picturing. I was a week late in Jan but AF came the day of my doc appointment and that was when I knew I was ready and he was as well. We were completely calm and ready for it. We are not actively trying TTC but we arent avoiding. No BC or other preventative methods really. we believe that god has a time and it wont happen until then. Thanks everyone for sharing!

redroro |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

well roles who will be main carer will you be taking 3,6,12 months or longer off work have you space its amazing how something so small takes up so much so room .if you return to work will child be going to daycare grandparents nanny childminder . how you want to bring the child up what kind of education faith school ect are you going to baptise or leave them to choose so many things

suziehart3476 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

My husband and I have been married for 8 months and we are going to wait until we have at least been married 1 year. The "issue" that always arises is the financial aspect. I told him, after speaking to a couple of friends and my sister who have children, you cannot be financially ready. I think he goes back and forth on it, but last month AF was late and I told him and he was actually really excited about it, sad that we wouldn't get to take our big vacation, but excited anyway. Then AF came and we were disappointed, but now we have a plan for when we are going to TTC. But the big issue that always crops up is money. After reading some of the responses above, it seems like my husband isn't the ONLY one concerned about money and that makes sence because men inherently want to "provide" for their families. At any rate, how do we get through to them that it is nearly impossible to plan financially for a baby???

clairelb |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

HamNCheez - I LOVE that you did that. I told my husband, who is all about being financially prepared (impossible) that after our trip to Spain in September I'm going off but I'm not going to tell him when because I sort of want it to be up to a "higher power." You know? When it happens, it is meant to be. Leave it in God's hands.

clairelb |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I am in a very similar boat!! Don't get me wrong I completely understand being as financially stable as you can but what people have to remember is that just isn't always going to happen. My fiance and I have been together for over 6 years and are getting married in four months. I am 25 (I'll be 26 in four months) and he is soon to be 31. We both have debt, probably a little more then either of us would want when considering children but we have stable jobs, as stable as they get right now anyway. However this past winter I found out that I have PCOS and endometriosis, so the odds of us conceiving naturally without "assistance" is slim, but of course there is always a chance ;) Anyway we have decided to start trying after the wedding, although I would like to start now. There were a few posts earlier commenting on the audacity of these people saying don't worry about the finances it will work out, but please try and put yourself in my shoes. My endocrinologist has told me that I need to be trying before I'm 28. I know that it could very well take me years to get pregnant even with fertility treatments but there is always a chance it could happen quickly (actually there is a chance I might be right now). By the time we are actively trying we will still have a lot of debt but I would rather be a little tighter on the budget and have a baby then lose my opportunity to ever have one. I would just be devastated. I guess all I'm saying is that I believe a wonderful relationship is the most important thing. Our bills aside we are pretty well off but we don't have any kind of "college fund" for our future child and we are going to have bills for a while, if I waited until those were gone I would be in my thirties and I'll end up with just as much debt from fertility treatments!

invme818 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I like this check list and think that its great but I do not think that it would work with my husband and I. I am ready to have a baby, but my husband, will say that he is ready and then the next day change his mind. Then he will have one excuse after another, money, age, us not owning our own house yet. I understand some things, but at the same time I feel like they are nothing but excuses. The girls I work with have told me that you can never be really ready to have a baby. How do I go about talking to him about this?

roxysnowchic |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Help! I don't know what to do! My common-law & I have been together for 6 years. He wants to start TTC. Which I am on the same page and would be extatic if we got pregnant. BUT....I want to be married before we start trying. 3 years ago we made a decision to spend our savings on a house down payment vs. a wedding (he left the choice to me & at the time it was the best choice for us). But now that we have a house wedding is just financially possible for us right now. Does anyone have any issues I should know about having a baby before marriage? Financially we are stable - emotionally I know he is the one for me. But somehow it seems I can't get the idea of not having the same last name of the baby out of my head! Any advise for me???!!!! Is being married essential?

wishing25 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I don't want to have to go back to work after having kids. I know that day care works for many people, either because they can't afford not to go back to work, or because they would go crazy staying home. I've just heard too many horror stories. For example, I know someone who works in a day care and I would never allow that woman to watch my children, and my boss always has one story or another about her girls getting ringworm or fevers from other kids. My husband and I only want two, but I know we wouldn't be able to live off his salary alone. I work in a small company, so there's no room for me to move around and get a promotion. I would have to rely on a yearly raise to make any more money. My husband works for a national service company, so he can definitely go places. I just don't think I want to wait the four years that we agreed on. Plus he wants to save up money and buy our home before starting to have kids.

mrsheeres |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I have been told I would never be able to have kids since I was 13.. hy husband and I have been married for 9 months and this week had a shock of me thinking I was pregnant even with an IUD, it turned out to be false by confirmation of a blood test. However the main point is I have always wanted to wait until I had a good job and we were financially secure to even try to have kids, but seeing a HPT show a + sign has made me realize there will never be enough money unless I was rich for a baby...never be a perfect moment for a baby in our lives. You can never plan every step of a baby. The whole idea is you have to take a leap of faith and just beleve love will get you through it all. Not money, not charting it comes down to love and is there enough of it. I have been on BC since I was 13 ... I have had an ovarian tumor and lost one of my ovaries and have spent my teen years never having a normal cycle because of over a hundred ovarian cysts. But I know i have a husband who loves me, a roof over my head and so much love to give a child that tomorrow I plan on having my IUD taken out and just going to let nature occue. My advice to you all is dont lose the romance of your marraige to money woes or charts. Tomorrow you could get laid off or stock market crash and lose everything... stress of charts and ovulation could make you loath your husband because its all your focused on... just dont forget the big picture of why you want a baby ...because of the love. This coming from a woman who has had to face every obstacle a lot of women here our worried over... being a mom is a big leap of faith ..

nsturm85 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I've been trying with my boyfriends for over a year now. Going back to the dr to get my thyroid level back on track too because I know that plays a part with the eggs and balancing out the hormones. I had cancer when i was young and havent been taking my thyroid pills as i should have, and yes I know bad bad. But getting back on the wagon with that and see what happens. I am in my early 30s and will continue on trying until that lucky sperm comes to meet my lucky egg lol. Im also not the one to rush into things, if it will happen it will happen. But still on occassion when i hear friends or someone i knew having a baby or just had one still makes me want to cry as silly as that sounds. But then again its a girl thing. I know a lot of wonderful women who didnt have kids like Julia Childs, and my aunt and my sister. So in a way they are my heros, but i still would like to have my own bundle of joy someday. My boyfriend by my side with one or without.

d2blake |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I'm so relieved to see other young women wanting children! I'm 25 and have baby fever, but everyone tells me we need to wait.

MarchMay03 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Wishing25 I would suggest that there is more of an issue with having a child without a wedding then sharing the last name :) Many of my friends including myself have decided to wait to have a child because of the fact that most people think that you should wait until your married to have sex which would also mean having a baby. Have you talked to your significant other about this? Have you told him that you would like your family to all share the same name? My sister and her boyfriend had a baby last year and on the birth certificate he has both of their last names :) Hope this helps.... I am not trying to be negative.

2Damicos |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I totally agree that no one is ever "financially ready." You end up making it work. My husband had been laid off and I was going to school full time and working part time when I was pregnant. He found another job, I graduated college, and now we own our own home. Things happen for a reason, and God will not give you something you cannot handle! :o)

britmanson |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I am 28 years old and I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 3. I have been wanting to have a baby for some time now but I get all caught up in my own head. My husband and I both agree we are emotionally ready for a baby so that isn't even a questions for us. It is mostly money. It is like one day I will be confident in my decision and the second day I will be second guessing myself. We both have jobs (not excellent ones - the economy kind of took a jab at that) but we have a house with no mortgage and no car payments. I reeeaaallly want a baby! Am I overthinking this?

CaitlinMOConnor |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

MarchMay03: I am TOTALLY with you. I am turning 25 this year and I have baby fever like crazy. My DH and I have been married 2.5 years and working at a daycare center with little babies makes it that much harder. It's so hard when people say "just wait until you're older" because I feel like I am ready. I guess I just have to wait on my DH to be ready as well. ::Sigh:: Waiting stinks.

jackersCU |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

It is nice to see both sides of the picutre. Wanting a baby and being financially ready are definately two different things. My husband and I have been married for four years, I am 23 and he is 28. I am finishing my degree in April at which point we want to move to BC. He has a well paying job and I will as well once I complete school. My issue is that my husband says we need to wait until I am working long enough to get maternity leave, which I agree with. He also wants to buy a house but I feel like we waste a lot of money on things we don't need like eating out and trips. He feels we should do these things while we can (bc we don't have kids), but I feel like we should save more money so we can be ready to purchase a house sooner. We are emotionally ready for kids and have a good income, but my husband does not seem willing to sacrifice his inpulse buying. This frusterates me because he says we don't have enough money to have a kid, but I see where all the money is going and know we would just be allocating the funds differently.

sniderf |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Glad to hear that I am not alone with the baby fever thing! Only problem is that my husband is feeling the opposite way. We are in our mid 20's and have been married for a little over a year. I have always dreamed of being a mom and my husband wants kids as well, but he recently told me that he won't be ready for 6 or 7 years and I have baby fever now! What do I do? I know that it is definitely not a good idea to have a baby if we aren't both ready, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I am definitely willing to compromise, like maybe in three years, but I can't stand the thought of waiting 6 years!!! Any suggestions about how to explain how important this is to me and perhaps persuade him change his mind? I am not on a hormonal birth control because it has caused serious side effects in the past so I am just sort of hoping that it will accidentally happen. Should I feel guilty for hoping for it when I know he isn't ready?

Sdncr |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I don't even know if anyone is reading this anymore, it's super old, but I feel the same way as a lot of you. I am 25, my husband is 29 and we have been married for 6 months, together for 4 years. It is no secret that I want a family, but my husband is "not ready" and wants to buy a house first (even though we have a nice 2 bedroom apartment and live comfortably). I thought I could talk him into having a baby, the same way I did when I wanted to get married and he "wasn't ready" but it isn't working out that way this time, and I'm becoming resentful. All around me, people are getting pregnant and having babies, and I am so jealous and angry. All I want to be is a mom, and my husband would make the greatest father. I've thought about getting a pet to kind of curb my baby craving, but my husband is allergic to both cats and dogs, which is a huge bummer. I'm just glad I'm not the only one, but in my life I feel so isolated from even my husband. He still wants to be a kid and have the freedom to go and do and spend however he pleases, and I am ready to by a mother and I want it desparately.

ebdockstader |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

I don't think that anyone could tell exactly what to consider. Every discussion depends on the characteristics of each family in part. In my case, the conversation I had with my husband regarding this matter never reached a conclusion. He keeps telling me that he wants a new career path and that having a baby right now would stop him. How would this happen if I am the one who will take care of the baby?!

PurpleHope |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Thank you for this nice article Thank you for taking time to share it with the readers, I am more than happy to have come across it. Keep up the good work. Peptides

juliaware3 |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Thank you for this nice article Thank you for taking time to share it with the readers Online Online Casino : 777 Casino Clubs : 888 Casino Vegas : 999 Casino Games : Big Casino Online : European Betting : Kings Poker Rooms : Poker Fun Games : Poker Games Sites : Royal Casino Games : Poker Guideline

monsua |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

've been trying with my boyfriends for over a year now. Going back to the dr to get my thyroid level back on track too because I know that plays a part with the eggs and balancing out the hormones. I had cancer when i was young and havent been taking my thyroid pills as i should have, Sports Betting UK : Online Casino Banking : Perfects Sports Betting : Wiki Betting : Revolution Gambling : Poker Royale Games : Varitaion Bingo : MicroGaming Blackjack : Barriere Poker : Casinos Resource : Multiple Bingo Rooms : Reputable Casinos : Win Gambling Casino : Poker Grinding

monsua |

Q&A: Discussing having a baby with partner?

Glad to hear that I am not alone with the baby fever thing! Only problem is that my husband is feeling the opposite way. US Poker Rooms : Ezine Casinos : Sky Net Gambling : Blackjack Round : Java Casino : Play 4 Roulette : World Bingo Review : Slot Guidence : E Poker Book : Slot Tutorials : Sunshine Bingo Books : Pearls Poker : Top Casino Review : Sport Tactics

monsua |