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Q&A: Pursue both adoption and IVF?

Can we continue infertility treatments while we are going through the adoption process? We very much want a child and we figure this will increase our odds of getting a child one way or the other.

Re: Can we continue infertility treatments while we are going through the adoption process? We very much want a child and we figure this will increase our odds of getting a child one way or the other.

The Bump Expert

Adoption experts and therapists are divided about the advisability of continuing to pursue infertility treatment and adoption at the same time. Those that oppose pursuing both are concerned that you will consider adoption second best. They view continuing treatment as a red flag that you have not come to terms with your infertility losses and may have trouble bonding with your adopted child. The financial drain of pursuing both may also put undue stress on the family.

Others do not think pursuing infertility treatment and adoption are mutually exclusive and that it is possible to pursue both without lessening your commitment to either. You must be completely honest with yourself on whether you have truly addressed your infertility grief. No child deserves to be anything but first in his parents’ eyes. If you decide to pursue both, seriously consider talking with a therapist who specializes in infertility to make sure you are really ready to parent an adopted child.

Regardless what the experts say, you may have problems doing both. Most adoption agencies do not want their prospective parents to be in treatment for infertility, and many require that parents withdraw their application if they become pregnant. If you are adopting domestically, ongoing infertility treatment may make it less likely that a birth mother will choose to place her child with you. The concern of agencies and birth parents is that the couple will back out of the adoption if they become pregnant. They also worry that the couple will still be actively grieving the loss of their birth child when the adopted child joins the family, which could interfere with bonding. If continuing treatment is important to you, shop around for an agency that will not object and be prepared to address this issue carefully in your home study.

Dawn Davenport

Q&A: Pursue both adoption and IVF?

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laran21 |

Q&A: Pursue both adoption and IVF?

In my opinion it would be a good way. While you and your husband adopt it may happen the other way to for a child. Sue

DellaAnne |

Q&A: Pursue both adoption and IVF?

Our social worker and all the agencies we've spoken to have insisted that a couple end infertility treatment prior to beginning the adoption process, for exactly the reasons outlined above by Dawn. The grief of infertility is real, and it is important to acknowledge it and work to move beyond it before you make the decision to adopt. Adoption is its own special kind of roller coaster, so you need to be totally sure that it is what you want before you take the leap.

brendj |